Why I hate clowns, and other musings of a tired mind

So that picture shows you the calander page of mine for the month of May. now the whole reason I got this calender (co-edikit, who I oddly have several amusing shirts from) was this month. I am DEATHLY afraid of clowns.. yes at 22 years old that is hard to state outloud. I suppose it's not so much a fear as it is a DEATHLY large distaste of them now. Why you may ask, would someone be afraid of innocent little clowns?... I'll tell you... Barnum and Baily Circus. My poor children will never go to a B&B Circus tour if I can help it! The clowns on large stilts... they just... scare me! And one walked right next to me, as we were near the front row, and I just freaked out... since then, whenever I have a particularly terrible nightmare, it somehow involves a clown. Yes, it's stupid, I can recieve psychological help for this, but the fact still remains that clowns and I don't mix, even to this day!

As for other musings...

My cousin is pregnant again. She just... ugh. Perhaps I'm starting to feel something for this whole "I'm never getting pregnant" attitude... or perhaps I just want to start a family so bad... but hearing that she is pregnant, while I'm happy for her, makes me want to strangle her at the same time. Now don't get me wrong. I have genuine love and happiness that she is expecting her second child. They have had a much harder time concieving this time than they did with Bella. (Bella was an opps a year before their wedding.) Regardless, I just... want to be her, and that's odd. Perhaps after I get the ball rolling on my adoption (someday) I won't have the feeling of wanting something inside of me... ew.

A crazy thing happened on our street today. About 5 doors down, on the other side of the street, some idiot crashed through a garage and kept going... the story is wild! This guy was drunk, waiting for a friend outside his house (not the guy, the friend... the friend is who lives on my street). He decided he had had enough waiting time and was oging to leave. He apparently slammed his car into reverse, spedo ut of the driveway, only the hit the car parked on the other side of the road (only one side in this neighborhood has built in driveways... most of us on my side park on the street). So apparently recognizing his boo-boo slams it into gear and TRIES AGAIN! Only the hit the same car in a different spot (in his defense... he did do better... instead of the drivers side door, he got the front side... almost there). Well realizing he was never going to back out, he slammed the car into gear and sped foreward... through his buddies garage (a wooden piece of poo) and kept going through the fence and onto the "grey" alleyway behind that row of houses (we have loads of alley ways round this end of town too!). What a flipping moron.. and it's not like we dont' know who it was... The guy who's car got hit twice was pissed. Mum and I came home from my grandmothers to find cop cars.. both going "oh shit!" cause we have had a string of breakins in the neighboorhood. Well, our neighbor came out and was like "ya'll missed it!" So he told us the story. We ended up going down to talk to the neighbors from that end of the street... met some cool people, and just watched as the cops sorted through the broken garage and the people who own the place kept looking out in "disgust" at us as we gawked (by us, I mean the whole street!). I think honestly they were embarassed... I would be too!

Hmmm... nothing else really.. oh I went to the dentist today.. it seems that all my good years of having great teeth has come to an end... after only ever having one cavity in my life, I am ashamed to say I am quite near double digits for cavaties now. The hygenist also said that I have a calcium problem in my gum line...something about the enamel wearing away due to not enough calcium in my diet sorta thing and it struck me as odd. I'm going to my doc about it because all my knee problems (sans the Bone Marrow Adema spot) are thought to be caused by calcium deficency. The thing is, I drink calcium fortified milk, atleast 24 oz a day, because I drink daycare milk... but my mum says I may have something that causes me not to absorb certain vitimins (we've noticed that despite the uptake in Vit. C and the likes (by suggestion of my doctor) that I am still getting sick as often as I was (which is almost weekly because of a lowered immune system)).

Regardless, my life is one big bit of boring, punctuated by the typical idiots!

Salut.

matrioshka nesting dolls

Anyone know a simple site to get a set of 5 dolls from? I want one set with 5 dolls (My family planning is me and 4 children... so 5 works, lol)

Any help would be great!

oi

Tomorrow I start teaching my four year olds to read (well, 3 of my guys from my class of 12, and 1 of D's guys from her class of 10) and I'm quite nervous. I'm going to pull them right after prayer time once D does songs or whatever.. but I KNOW that D is going to freak about going outside, so I may do like I did with the last of the cirriculum... teach them outside in the sun.. it's supposed to be 80 degrees tomorrow afternoon.

Regardless, from all you homeschooling mummsys, please enlighten me on how to teach a child to read. I bought the Dick adn Jane books simply because that's how I learned a bit to read.. but I'm dyslexic, so I honestly only read by memory and tricks.. nothing I do is phonic. I want to teach the kiddos right, but dammit, who the heck asks the dyslexic teacher to teach them to read? What sense does that make...

So we have been working heavily on phonics, we've been doing phonic games and doing phonics reads, but now it's the true test of my ability to someday be a teacher.. can I teach 4 children to read in 12 weeks... it should be interesting! (and luckily the four kids I pciked, well who really showed the most ability to do the phonics, have great parental help that I KNOW will step up and read with their kids the materials I plan out.)

My game plan at the moment is simply to copy the book I want them to read (when I say book, the Dickand Jane book I have has something like 21 stories and I plan to do a story a week to start out with and as they get better, I want to pump it up to two stories a week and so on. I know for a fact one little girl will blow past me. And as the weeks go on, I will take 4 more kiddos and start them in the bit to read, starting at week on.. but I have my little test group and it's making me nervous that I am responsible in their parents eyes to teach them... when in reality they are my test group! haha!

Seriously I'm rambling because I fear failing these kiddos and their parents. I have only been the fours teacher for a month, but in that month I feel that personally, I have made leaps and bounds in their education. I don't want to toot my own horn, but so many of hte parents have come to me, talked to me personally about their children's education.. and I've been doing plus reports for each kid going "damn... how the heck would they have been prepared for kindergarten"... but I dunno.. I'm nervous.

Anyway.. I'm sick of waiting for Jason to IM me, I suppose some things never change and he is still an ass. He's been back from idle for 20 mins, but he's yet ot reim me even though he "promised" he would. LAdies and Gents, this dear soul is EXACTLY why I swore off love and boyfriends... it sucks.

Regardless, I'm going to reread my schudle and plan for tomorrow and just pray I can teach these kiddos to read in 12 weeks!

~Hawk

Revival kids

(Last edit I promise.. I'm having to rework it since I have no Noah's Ark Video.. whee)
So tomorrow starts the Revival for the church my mum attends. Being liscensed daycare, I was offered 10 bucks an hours to teach 3 and 4 yr olds for 3-4 hours a night.. heckyeah I took it!

So this is my outline.. if anyone has any good ideas, I'm all open.

Monday, 6:30-9:30 (all times are rough.. it may end up being 6:30-11:00 depending on the outcome)

6:30-7:00
Music intro, welcome (Veggie tales CD from work I made)
7:00-7:30
Bible Story (Genesis 6:9-7:1 The story of the ark)
7:30-8:00
Workbook page (Page 12 trace the dots to form Noah's ark. on back, rainbow)
8:00-8:30
Craft (Noah's rainbow with Bible verses Genesis 9:8-17
8:30-9:00
Fruit snack (raw fruits only, probably do apples and oranges)
9:00-9:30
Game (we all be animals and someone be noah.. they have to find all the animals... a type of hide and seek)

Tuesday 6:30-9:30

6:30-7:00
Music intro, welcome (circle welcomes "can you remember my name?")
7:00-7:30
Bible Story John 6:1-15 (the fish and loaves story)
7:30-8:00
Woorkbook pg 77 & 78 (count the fish and loaves, colour by shape)
8:00-8:30
Stained glass coffee filters fish (hopefully, I'm trying it out with my kiddos at the daycare tomorrow)
8:30-9:00
Finish above craft
9:00-9:30
Game (follow the leader on proper behaviours in church)

Wednesday 6:30-9:30 (this day will probably last longer.. last night)

6:30-7:00
Music intro, welcome (veggie tales again)
7:00-7:30
Veggie tales (Shack, Rack, and Benny)
7:30-8:00
Bible Story (Daniel 3 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego)
8:00-8:30
Craft ( Craft to go with story)
8:30-9:00
Finish craft
9:00-9:30
Game (bunny song vs. new bunny song... how do I know if it's okay by God?)

Basically all times are felxible, all crafts and stories are moveable nd I have extra games and songs and videos incase we go later than 9:30/10:00.

(I am lead teacher, which I got against a much older, much more experienced teacher who is pissed about it... I find that amusing that the children's director would trust me more simply because of the class I teach.. I just don't want to let her down... and yes, this whole lesson plan was completed in an hour, as I learned that I had this position about 2 hours ago at the church dinner to welcome Pastor Rudd for the revival... dear goodness!)

Please light a candle

Dawn and Joe have been fighting for their son now, and court with the birth mother is tomorrow...

Please, if you have a moment, light a candle and say a prayer.

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=SJD

Their blog, which is private, is www.quest2kaz.blogspot.com

Thanks.

Teaching four year olds to read

My new task this summer is to teach 3 of my four year girls to read. Unfortunately I only have one boy in my class, and I doubt he will be reading ready by next week when we finish our standard cirriculum.

I am going to pull one of the 3 yr old boys to read... he is technically four but hasn't been promoted up because there is no room. I may pull a second 3 boy who is reading ready, I believe, but not able to write his letters.

I have all sorts of little free cirriculums online, but I'm going with the tried and true method of Dick and Jane. I think that will be the easiest, to just set down with them and read with them. I am so excited about this.

If anyone has any helpful hints, yay for helping me out!

My kiddos::

Abs is 4, almost 5 (July) and is very ready to read. I asked her why mop is spelt MOP and she actually knew... I was excited!! She is a firey blonde who just thinks everyone is hers... "DUH!" is her key phrase. She is a cutie who just is ready to learn. I am excited to teach her and I know her nannie will make sure she reads every night to her.

Han is extremely cute! She is another firey blonde who knows everything about phonics. Her mum works with her like a true schoolers mum would. I am excited to teach her because her mum is very interesting to be around. This is also the little girl who said I hit her in the head with a "baby buggy" (whatever that be)... so for that little thing I don't care much for her sometimes, but over all I am excited to teach her more and more.

Cor is my kiddo. Her and Abs are the first graduating class of my 2s from when I first started! It is bittersweet that they are graduating this year and that I have them for graduation.... I am sad to see them go but excited to show them how much they can learn. Cor turned 5 in Feb and she is just so ready to read. She can sound out simple phonic sounds, such as MOP and CAT. I hope she is receptive to learn what more I can teach her.

I am going to try to pull my two boys from the threes to learn, Na and Za. I know I want Na personally because I believe he has Aspergers Syndrome, which is a form of Autism. He is incrediablly smart, knows more about animals then you could ever DREAM of knowing. Za, just because I want to see if he pulls dyslexia like I feel he will (he is a leftie and has a lot of problems writing his name, let alone with flipping letters and such). I do know however, that I will personally tutor him if he is dyslexic, I am dyslexic and I know how to do the tricks, I know the frustration and the likes. I hope I can help him out if he turns out to be.

I may even pull one of my two's girls to come up and read... she has amazing memorization skills and already can read the names of all the people in our class... she is amazing, but I'm not going ot push her.. the 4 year olds I'm going to push a bit because they need to learn this skill.

Regardless, any tips of the trade for working with little kids on reading, I'll accept.

to all my christian friends

Does anyone know the song by jimmie Davis Called "the Three Nails"?

It starts otu with a poem about a soldier going to buy three nails and then when the shop keeper finds out what they are for, he begs to buy them back.. then it goes into the song.

My mum and I have spent about 4 horus searching for this song... we got down to it being by Jimmie Davis.. and tha'ts as far as we got...

i can't find anything else out about it.. thoguht it is on a CD elsewhere, we only heard the speaking part and for mum to really think it's the song, it has to be the signing part.

any help would be greatly appreciated!

thanks!

Hawk

Dress in Russia

I need some BTDT parents to help me out here.

I know Russian's idea of every day dress is much much higher than American's... Mainly the no jeans and Russian's look like super models... (Or so I've been told).

I have a conviction of newly found modesty in my dress... which sadly is turning into a lot more skirts and such...

So in the streets of Moscow, do you see women wearing skirts and dresses or is it simply dress pants?

Just kinda wondering what you see on the streets from my BTDT parents I know.

Thanks!

Hawk

Blessed Good Friday

May today be a blessed Good Friday for you all.

I am taking two little boys out today. The daycare is closed and many parents haven't a clue what to do with their kids, so i offered for these two families (both of which I babysit for as well). My coteach and I are taking them out starting at 10 am... we are doing chuck e cheese, book store, donut shop... then my mum wants me to swing by her work to parade them about. They are two well behaved wonderful children.

I am horribly tired adn still need to shower before picking everyone up... yes, I was designated chauffeur because the car I drive (mums) has 4 doors... but come to think of it so does the coteacher's.. but allswell.

Anyway, I'm off to shower and get ready for the day.

Have a blessed day.

a little bit pissed

I am not Islamic, I am RLDS, but I know much because of research I did. If you have any questions, want to know anything more, please feel free to ask me. I make it a point to know everything I can about every religion I can hear about. It makes it easier to stand in my faith without being ignorant or judgemental.

a blog i read has a very interesting pic of Pope John Paul II kissing a Quran (to which she even mispelled). What pisses me off is her comments about how Allah is a moon god, blah blah blah.. and some comments there about how Islam is NOT a peaceful religion.. and it makes me wonder if these people even know what they are talking about.

A few facts about Islam (and this is from a person who was very close to converting, but opted against it aftr 9-11 for chicken reasons (namely I didn't want to be singled out)).

There are 5 pillars to Islam:

Testimony of faith (Kalima)
Basically you can do this peacefully at home, with no witnesses but Allah. You sit down, state your intentions, state that there is no other higher power but Allah (who Christians' call God) and that Mohammad is his ony messenger (the Christian references is that Jesus is the Son of God, Mohammad is the Jesus of Islam, just not a son, a mere prophet)

Prayer (Salat)
"Seek Allah's help with patient perseverance and prayer. It is indeed hard except for those who are humble."
(2:45)

Formal prayers:
Fajr (pre-dawn): The before sunrise prayer that is done in rememberence of God.

Dhuhr (noon): A break in the work day to seek God and his guidence.

'Asr (afternoon): While trying to take care of the kids, wrap up the work day, this prayer is to stop a moment and just ask God for wisdom.

Maghrib (sunset): A closing of the day prayer, just to remember God.

'Isha (evening): a prayer to remember God's presence, guidance, mercy, and forgiveness.

Fasting (Sawm)

Raamadan is the month that is spent fasting during the day. THe point of the fast is much like Catholic LENT. It is time spent praying and honouring God. Not only is Raamandan for food fasting, but also it is a time to fast from unholy things and reevaluate your Islamic commitment.

Almsgiving (Zakat)
Charity giving. Basically it is like giving tithes in a Church, yet for the Islamic, it is more than that. They must give it to the poor, their income, their time. It is important to pay alms to those who cannot help themselves.

Pilgrimage (Hajj)
Here I am, Oh God, at Your command!
Here I am at Your command!
You are without associate!
Here I am at Your command!
To You are all praise, grace and dominion!
You are without associate!

A pilgrimage to Mecca, Saudi Arabia is very important to complete the life, though it is not REQUIRED to enter heaven. It is important to remember the suffering of those around you, the walk Mohammad made to mecca. Many make it in their bare feet, much like it would have been done in Mohammad's time. It is said to bring one the closest spirtually with Allah because of the sacrifice made to ones body to make the trip.

Basically I just want people to understand Islam is about finding adn seeking God, not killing anyone. The link below is a link that shows how much more violence Christians have caused than Musleims. Does that make them worse or better? No. Simply put it is just a different way to worship.

http://www.islam101.com/terror/christianViolence.htm

And I leave you with words of Islamic Wisdom:

"It is not righteousness that you turn your faces towards East or West.
But it is righteousness to believe in Allah and the Last Day,
And the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers;
To spend of your substance, out of love for Him,
For your kin, for orphans, for the needy,
for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves;
To be steadfast in prayer
And give in charity;
To fulfill the contracts which you have made;
And to be firm and patient, in pain and adversity
And throughout all periods of panic.
Such are the people of truth, the God-fearing.
Qur'an 2:177

LMAO!

I am reading back bits on other adoption blogs. This particular one had a hilarious post, reposted here.

Airline Mechanics with a Sense of HumorJust in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on theform, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'pilots(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, hadan accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Maybe I'm slap happy at 1 am with only 6 hours of sleep the whole week under my belt but I cannot stop laughing.

stupid family

My aunt is starting her "why should she adopt, is she not proud of her heritage enough to produce babies?" speeches.

She called me mum and started grilling her on how she would "allow" me to do such a hideous thing like adopt... especially when I am fertile...

I am trying to figure out some witty things to come back to her on about it all. Right now it's the typical retort of "why would I want to pass on genes that created you?" but that just causes malice.

*sigh* stupid family.

woo

I have the pre-k until further notice. Which makes me sad and happy at the same time. I have gone through all the old cirriculum and all teh stuff the last teacher used... This poor class has had 2 standard teachers and 2 float teachers in about 6 months time. I am consider one of the float teachers with Ms. G. Regardless, G won't do lesson plans, so while I am getting plans together for my 2's, I am now responsible for the prek lessons.. and those are much more important. I guess B will have to take over the bulk of lesson planning with our guys...

I hope the boss has someone hired before too too long. I don't wnt ot spend another summer outside my kiddos (I've been there 3 summers, almost 4, and have only spent one summer with my actual kids.) I also need to sit down and get our mother's days books together. That is our HUGE project, and it's rather large. The kids pick out their fave foam colours and we put togheter a booklet with poems (one I wrote, I'm rather proud of that!) and pictures of the kids. All topped off with their handprints on the back. It's adorable... and expected! lol. The boss loves when we hand those out because she gets parents who come to her crying with joy for how happy they are, which makes her daycare look good.

So anyways, time to leave for wednesday night class... I don't want to go, but it's almost over! Then we are starting a new Beth Moore study, but an actual book this time, not a workbook. I do not like this particular study, as I don't feel I am getting anything out of it. Regardless, I need to head out.

Later,

Hawk!

ugh v.v

I'm cranky, it's okay.

I really wish people would let us know before they go private... and longer than an hour... some people do work.

I have been reading a blog for quite some time, the quest2kaz one... and now it's suddenly private... and that happened some time today, and I'm sad about it. I don't know those people, so i know no way to contacting them to say "hey, I have been reading your blog and I really am interested in your story, add me?" but it's like.. wow.

I know people have reasons for going private. I do read one private blog and the mother was nice enough to allow me to read it, but she has a damn good reason to go private.. and I'm sure everyone who does does, but I hate when blogs I enjoy to read go private.

Okay that was my rant. I'm better now.

Work today was tiring. We had a teacher fired, which it was about time. If she yelled at the kids ot "Shut up" one more time, I was gunna go off on her. She taught the pre-k, four year olds, and she was constantly yelling at them, psyically moving them around without cause and even slapped one. That was the last straw that got her fired, with her hitting a child on the mouth. I think we all would have quit had she not been fired.

Regardless, I think I am going to have to class starting tomorrow, which will leave B in our class alone... 10 two's all day by herself. We've both done it before, but neither of us like it too much. Hopefully the boss will have someone hired before monday.. as monday we have a class switch and we gain a kid in our room, as well as lose a kid, and I doubt B will be able to handle this newbie on her own.. shi.. I couldn't handle this newbie on my own. This boy... is 2 as of tomorrow, and he has no fine motor skills, doesn't talk except to say "ball" and is a holy terror. His mum keeps saying "I can't wait till he's in your (my) class so he will start talking and going to the toliet"... it's like woman, that doesn't magically happen! You have to WORK with your children outside of their 10 hours at daycare... Yes we teach them loads of stuff (I have a 2.5 yr old who can read and an almost 3 yr old who can write without assistance and can identify all the letters while writing them) but we don't do all the work. We do rely on the parents.

I am extremely tired with all that's goin on at work. Spring graduation is coming close adn I still haven't finished the videos... I've got mother's day books to get going and I still have to find out what to do about little A.. she has no mum (in jail for murdering her sister, oddly enough) and it's just really stressing me the poo out. Also there is strep and a nasty stomach virus going about.

Oh and I still haven't filed my taxes... I've got less than a month to file... and I haven't the time (nor the money to pay anyone to do it)... my head hurts, lol.

Like I said at the start of this post, I'm cranky.. and when I'm cranky I get complainy... tomorrow we'll be back to our regularly scheduled happy blog. :)

Off to take my last antibiotic pill and then to bed... woo!

so effin sick

I'm quite tired of people with the Angelina Jolie thing. Yes, she did just adopt another child, Pax, and yes, she didn't have it in the media for very long, but guess what, that doesn't mean she went any way against the law. Angelina is very blunt about being on this side of the adoption laws. She works hard for Adoption rights, starts funds in her children's birth countries in their name, and constantly researches and finds the right children. So what if it doesn't take her 10 years to adopt. Sometimes all it takes is 6 months. Don't forget she hasn't got to take the time to riase funds, don't forget she doesn't have to take the time on other things that we do.

She waits just like we do, she's not Madonna.

Just chill on her okay? Geez.

CWA Recommended Resources for Adoptive Parents

Attacing in Adoption Deborah Gray
Adoption Parentings Edited by Jean MacLeod and Sheena Macrae, PHD
I Wish for You A Beautiful Life Edited by Dorow
Growing up Adopted Rosenberg
Are Those Kids Yours? Cheri Register
Loved by Choice Horner and Martindale
The Whole Life Adoption Book Jayne Schooler
Telling The Truth to your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past Betsy Keefer and Jayne Schooler
Toddler Adoption: The Waver's Craft Mary Hopkins-Best
Insies Transracial Adoption Steinberg and Hall
20 Things Adopted Children Wished Their Adopted Parens Knew Sherrie Eldridge
Adopting the Hurt Child and Parenting the Hurt Child Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky
How to Really Love Your Child Dr. Ross Campbell
The Out-Of-Sync Child Carol Stock Kranowitz
After the Dream Comes True Michelle Gardner
Adoption as a Ministry Michelle Gardner

Books For Cildren
How I was Adopted Joanna Cole
We're Different; We're the Same Bobbi Kates (Sesame Street)
Shaoey and Dot Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman
I Love You Like Crazy Cakes Rose Lewis

Websites
www.adoption.com
www.adoptionlearningpartners.org
www.childtraumaacademy.com/amazing_brain , Bruce Perry, M.D, Ph.D.
www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/Activies-to-Promote-Healthy-Development/11

CWA meeting

so it's almost 10p and I think I can finally have a moment to breathe to post. My mum's been on a huge cleaning thing tonight... ugh.

Anyways. It ended up only being me at the seminar. The other families did not show up, nor did the single mum who adopted from Russia a few years ago. She was having heart issues and was going to the hospital (valid reason if I ever heard one! lol).

The seminar was basically just going over what is an adoption, how does international differ from domestic, what can be expected in wait terms. Then she went over the different countries and I learned that in initial information she gave me about only having to be 23 for Russia was incorrect. You do have to be 25 if you are single. In the Ukraine however, you only have to be 23. The only problem I see with Ukraine is the children are much much older. 14 months and up at age of referral. Where as in russian 8 months and up is referral age. I don't know if I feel okay adopting that much of an older kid when it may be up to 8 months before I get him home. 22 months is well on their way to being content in their routine and the likes...I dunno.. something to think about.

I also like the looks of their Kyrgyzstan program for age of children as well, but I know NO ONE, in blog land or IRL, who has adopted from Kryg. In Kyrg you can get a refferal for a child as young as 3 months... and it estimates that it will take only up to a year to adopt and it s a one trip of about 10 days to complete.

Mrs. Roll did inform me that they have ALWAYS had teh waiting period dys waived for all thir families. That includes the Russian 10 day wait and the Ukraine 10-30 days wait. They have ALWAYS had it waived... which makes me excited to use them.

She did go on about the Ethiopia adoption programme. It's new, the cheapest, and as long as you are a professing and practicing Christian, it will take little to no time at all.

Kazakhstan is the thier most expensive adoption... and it goes down until their Ethiopian adoptions, being around 16000.

They gave a list of books which I'll type up in my next post (in about a min).

All in all it was an okay seminar. I would have liked it better to have not been the only person there. I really wanted to hear what other families asked about everything. I just didn't know the questions to ask... I know most everything about he process and I really just wanted someone who didn't know so much to ask all the questions.

Krisanne and Jeff were really cool. They explained their adoption and they made the seminar seem very home type. There was no need for dressing up or sitting up straight. It was very laidback and informal. Made it feel like the get together of a few friends instead of a seminar about adoption.

Anyway, all in all it was good. I may contact the Rolls and see if I can attend the one in may at the same place and hopefully have a few more families show up. I am genuinly in like of this agency. They seem awesome.

welp

well today is the seminar. In about an hour I'll be leavin for it and oddly I'm rather nervous...

I'm printing the directions to the place right now, which seems damn near impossible to find. I just hope it all works out. The lady who is hosting it said that there is about 2 other families coming as of monday, so I really hope they both show up so I'm not there alone... that would be awkward!

So anyway, step one, choose an agency.

When you thought I wasn't looking

"When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that little things can be the special things in life.

When you though I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me good night and I felt loved and safe.

When you though I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grew up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I needed to know to be good and productive person when I grew up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'"

Another cute thing I found... another good thing to remember.

March, what?

It's march, what?

In less than a week I have my first meeting with CWA, I'm actually quite nervous.

17th is coming to fast, yet not fast enough. I truely just hope thye are as sweet as everyone makes them out to be...

I don't have much else to write about, sadly.

something my mum sent me

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER"

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14 . My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU" !!!

Baby Wearing

So researching bringing home children I've run across several different ideas on this.

I am pretty much going at this alone. Unless I magically gain a best friend or whatnot, I doubt anyone will be going to Russia with me to meet and bring home my children. I have been looking into baby wearers for some time now, as I feel that is a good way to carry a child and be hands-on elsewhere.

I ask your opinion, those of you who have used such, on which is the best.

Moby Wrap
Hip Hammock
Mei Tei
Podaegi
Ring sling

Any insight into personal experiences would be great.

Thanks.

fun things for babies

I have been looking at clothing for toddlers (actually looking for something cute to send my SBP) and ran across something I found adorable... and sadly my children will probably live in them...
BabyLegs

Adorable!!!
I'm particularly fond of the purple stripes! Isn't that patter adorable?

Below is a picture of a baby wearing the BabyLegs...

Birthday 2007

So another year older, another year down.

21 brought many changes. I was able to legally drink, I was made power of attorney in my mum's will, and my brothers gave me 3 shot glasses for my collection.

Now 22 will bring the begining of the adoption journey... ahh how we grow.

Anyway, I meant to write a more introspective post, but I'm so tired I think I shall go to bed.

Chuck E Cheese

So in my goal to be very prepared I spend a lot of time with children (when you work in a daycare, it's hard not to). On monday of this past week I took two little boys to chuck e cheese... what a trip! Normally I take only C, as he was a foster kid and became really attached to me... so I wanted to spend a lot of time with him, hoping it would help his behaviour (it really hasn't...). Well I decided to try my hand at two kids. Now mind you, asking parents to borrow their kids makes me feel like a pedofile. I'm not going to HARM the children, but I just feel weird going up and being like "hey, can I borrow your kid for the afternoon?" it just seems weird to me!
Anyways! I asked Z's da if I could take him with me... he said yes and so my day was set with 2 3 yr old boys. Both of them 3.5 if you want to be technical. I left work with both boys, and that is where the fun began. Now in my class I have 10 two year olds. On alternating days I'm lefta lone with them while B goes to school. 10 twos is a cake walk compared to these two rambunctious boys!
We made it to the cheese about 6 and ordered our pizza and got our tokens. We were having LOADS of fun before pizza came. They both were listening, they were playing well together. We ate our pizza (2 piece minimum for theboys to get their second half of tokens) and suddenly, they changed! I don't know if it was the fully tummy's or the fact that they both felt brave suddenly... but it was impossible to keep them together. We ended up playing LOADS of rounds of skee ball (my personal fave) and they played a game where you have to push a button to shoot out a little basketball into one of the hoops. We had soooo much fun, but they were EVERYWHERE!
Afterwards we went up to get our tickets redeemed and they had some rediculous amount (like 125.. when just with C we are lucky to average 50). Well the counter scene was quite interesting. This lady just cuts infront of 4 families and starts shouting off how the Cheese is racist, and how no matter how long they wait no one will help them... makes me wanna smack her really. She was in line behind us, but suddenly wanted to be at the front of the line for no apparent reason. Z got scared and had me hold him, which was no big deal, and he kept asking "why is that lady yelling?" and kept telling me to tell her to use her indoor (indoor voices, a BIG concept at the daycare when the kids yell and scream). Needless to say I just let her go infront of us. I was almost scared of her.
The boys got exactly what they wanted (the "dane" (plane) and the "speaker" (Microphone)) and some tattoos.. then I coroalled them into the car.. which was a joy as usual. I got them both home a little late, but I have the trust of their parents and explained very plainly that the Cheese was a mad house, we had to wait for everything and that the drive home was littered with idiotic people who don't understand I have two kids in my car. Z's mum said she was a bit nervous but trusted me, and I promised her that next time I'd call at 7:30 and give her an update. C's mum couldn't care less. Long as he's home before 9 she is okay. She trusts me like no one ever has before... and I can only hope with my kids, I have someone to trust like that.

Moral of the story, I think I am doing the right thing by adopting two boys together, hopefully twins. Two was much better than one, for me, and I just feel the calling that it is right.

Now I have 5 mins to finish getting ready for church and to head off to the service. Have a great sunday!

Learning Russian

So I speak Russian some, and now I speak it more!

I have been using byki.com free software. It has some for everything from animals, colours and even nifty hotel phrases. It's simple, easy to use and honestly is one of the better programmes I've run across.

I seriously recommend everyone who wants to learn Russian or any of 26 languages to give it a go. Really easy to use, really easy to understand and even has a "turtle" pronunciation for those who need words slowed downt o understand them.

Awesome programme

random things

After 5 months on blogger I added a photo. I'm not brave enough to post a picture of me, so whatelse should I have one of but a Hawk. Not only a hawk, but a Red Tail hawk in flight. This encompases the long flight home (the newish title of my journal). It just felt right, hah!

I'm going crazy trying to get all the photo's for the kiddos graduation video at the daycare. It's amazing to try to think of things and cute little poses they make that add cuteness to the video's. I also need to send that Abs pic to D... I took a cute photo in black and white of Abs and need to send it so she can use it in the video. If it doesn't make it, I'll cry. I love this pic!

I need to find it first... hm....

Anyway. So much is going on lately my head is spinning. We may be losing one of our kiddos to the 3s class, and that makes me sad. But as I've told everyone who will listen, I will NOT take her out of the video's I've spent a month or so on. She will just graduate as part of the twos class!

My birthday is in a few days and I'm not looking foreward to it. Only good part of getting another year older is that i'm another year closer to bringing home my children. Oh the joys.

I am off on the second of March from work, I am SO excited! I need a good day off.

Now off to find that pic of Abs and send it over to D so it makes it... I hope!

Later,
Hawk

Hopechest

Toys Won't Have
Toy guns
toy knives
Toy war insturments all alike
Camoflage
Loads of plastic toys
Elmo


Toys Will Have
Wooden toys
russian blocks
Wooden Toys
imagination builders
leap frog learning systems
Books galore
Wiggles Dance pad
Signing Time

Things needed for small children

So my mum and I are starting a hope chest for the children. I am looking into things needed for children, but I can't find a website with such information.

I know, it sounds silly.. but I don't want to forget something while my mum is willing to help me pay for them! lol. I know simple things, such as furniture, car seats, clothing, toys.. but is there anything that you just didn't think your child would need?

Thanks.

Recipes

so I'm feeling very... homemaker-ish... and wish to cook more (plus I need to lose weight, and all in all want to spend less on fast food).

I have no recipes except for 3 desserts that I adore...

So... Again I ask for suggestions... you people seem very good at knowing the right things. lol.

(FYI I don't eat red meat, I live off chicken and noodles)

Anyways, anyone care to share a fave recipe? You can email me too.. I'm just up for a new thing.. something I haven't tried... and chicken quesidillas just ain't gunna cut it again. :)

Thank You!!

Thank you SBP!!!! I LOVE the frame and the poem about made me cry!

I love it!!!!!!!

2007 Book list Classical List

This will be added to as Beth reads her books and suggests them. (Modern Books, such as Orwell and the Potter series, will be posted later when I can sit down and get them organized as such.)

Separated by country (IE, British, American, etc.). All Edgar Allan Poe books are repeats, I've read everything by him (even own the big ass Poe complete works book) and just throw those in there because I adore his stuff.

That said.. the Classical list. Feel free to make suggestions... I'm open for anything with a good plot line.

British

Charles Dickens

Oliver Twist

A Tale of Two Cities

Great Expectations

The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby

Jane Austen

Emma

Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Zanoni

The Disowned

Lewis Carroll

Through the Looking Glass

Robert Louis Stevenson

The Strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Treasure Island

American

Edgar Allan Poe

The Cast of Amontillado

Landor’s Cottage

The Tell-tale Heart

Mark Twain

The Adventure of Tom Sawyer

Those Extraordinary Twins

The Prince and the Pauper

Irish

Bram Stoker

The Jewel of Seven Stars

The Lady of the Shroud

Scottish

Sir James Barrie

The Admirable Crichton

Auld Licht Idyls

Adoption Ramblings

So I sit here doing a bit more research on everything, and realize that my first meeting with CWA is within a month away... okay so a bit over a month, but still within thinking distance. Mar 15, that's the go date.

I'm nervous... very nervous. I hate going to things alone, but I know no one is going to go with me. My mum refuses the whole progress and just says that she will "sit back" and wait to see if I "go through with this". I just need to step outside myself and realize this is my children I am thinking about... nothing I wouldn't do for them (even now, before they are born).

I've been keeping up with the CWA reaccrediation.. they aren't yet... but according to their site they have submitted on the 9th of Jan.

I can't wait for the summer months... I have SO much stuff for my first garage sale of the season.. first warm day in March... Then I think I can convince the church my mum attends to allow me a yardsale on their property and I think I can convince my home church to allow just the same. Though my home church may be harder... I must start going there again full time... ugh. As much as I love my church... compared to the penecostal church I've been going with my mum... it's going to be slow paced... but its' only an hour long, VS the nearly 2 hours my mum's church is.

Regardless, I've got loads of fundraising ideas, including car washes, yard sales, magazine sales and homemade candle sales.... I'm excited.

I'M EXCITED!

Birthday Musings

So my birthday is comming up at the end of the month. I resolved LAST year to have my own apartment by the time I turned 22... well guess what? I'M POOR!

I know, I know, apartments are not as expensive in my city as they are other places... but damn, I never realized how little I was making until I looked into getting one of my own.

The cheapest I can find is 500 a month... I barely make 800 a month... and during school... HAH!

Allwell... by 22.5, I will have my own apartment!

lol.

*pulls out hair*

so, I'm going crazy.

I vow right now to NOT be a daycare annoyed parent. I'm all for putting my children in daycare after we have bonded (A huge part of adoption) but I swear I will not be one of those parents who thinks every teacher is a pedofile and ever scratch was caused with Malicious harm.

Children fall and go boom. We as teachers try to teach the kids to just getu p, asses the damage and move on if it's not too bad. We do NOT stop whatever we are doing for every single bump on the floor. I teach twos for heavens sake. They are CLUMSY at two. Children by NATURE are clumsy, most of the time coinciding with a growth spurt! It's not my fault your kids likes to fall down!

I got 20 questions this morning from a parent who saw that I did not run immediately to the aide of a fallen 2 year old. This girl has GIANTS for parents, so she is constantly in a growth spurt to keep up with her family size. She's two and already taller than some of the 4 yr olds. She, and we, are very used to her falling. This morning she bit the big one, fell over her own feet and landed hard on the tile. She whimpered a little, and I was watching her to aide if I needed too. She merely whimpered a second, got up, raised her pant leg, looked at her knee, saw no blood or scrape, "dusted" it off and went about playing. She was limping a bit, but she hit HARD on the floor. I settled back into playing with a younger two who needs a lot of one on one interaction, thinking nothing more of it. Had she cried, had she come over to me complaining of pain, I'd have "kissed" the boo boo away and made sure she was okay. But as a rule in our room, she abided by the no whining. I was actually VERY proud of her (these are steps we have been working hard on her with for almost a year now). This mother, who's child this wasn't, came charging over to me, demanding me to explain to her why I was so lazy, how I could let a child "cry out" with no coddling. I was dumbtruck. I explained that we teach the children to asses their own hurts, and if they feel they need our attention, of course we will give it to them. We aren't cold hearted bitches, after all. She was all demanding in my face about how I need to make sure the girl was alright, so I hollered across "Huckle, you okay?" (Huckle is the girls parent given nickname). She replied with a giggle "uhuh!" and went back to her dishes. Well this wasn't good enough for this parent. She went over and tried to coddle the non screaming, non hurting child. Well ofcourse huckle bucked up to her, pushed her away, she didn't know this woman. Well that concluded to this psychotic mother that we weren't showing the kids enough love. It's like, h ello lady, I am with these childrne 9+ hours a day, don't TELL me I'm not showing a child enough love when they get free hugs and kisses (on the cheek or forehead) whenever they want... but we don't FORCE them to take the affection... that is their personal right to refuse it.

Regardless, this woman in a matter of two hours had toldmy supervisor, told all the teachers, that B and I were HORRIBLE teachers to the children, and promptly pulled her child from the daycare. Good Riddence is all I can say.

Needless to say, I'm home on break (trying to get PT figured out for my knee finally) and I'm STILL cranky about this morning. Makes me wanna smack people.

So yeah, my days been pretty dang crappy so far... our children are INSANE! EVERYONE, children, teachers and parents alike, are in whiney moods... and we just... ugh!

Time to call a few more PT places and see if they have any openings.

Adieu

Class Videos

So I am working on the videos for the daycare graduation (I must start now, or I never finish). I am working on the twos class (my class) and want to make it special. I am already using Taylor Hicks' "Do I Make You Proud" and I need a second song that is slower and I can use more.. artistic pictures of the children individually throughout.

I am listening to several opera type songs, such has Josh Groban and Charlotte Church, but I am not having much luck finding anything that I think the parents will sit through and shows meaning. The couple I want to use are not in English, so that knocks them out (we have paranoid parents who will think the song is saying horrible things about them.. annoying really).

Anyway, I get few comments here, but if you would please be so kind as to take a second to comment with songs you think speak volumes and are children centered (but not only about children.. songs will go meanings too).. it'd be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Hawk

blogger names

So boredom got me thinking about "blogger" names for my future children. I decided that since I'm hawk, I will stick with birds of prey for my children.

The first two children I bring home, my first goal ofcourse, will be forever known as Kestrel and Falcon.

Yes this is what boredom has done to me. I'm off my feet until they can fix my knee. I have bone marrow adema.. which is basically fluid in the bone marrow.. so now I sit on my bum praying they don't have to do surgery.

So now I get to obsess over adoption, starting a family, and finding a good apartment. My cousin screamed at me they won't do a homestudy on an apartment.. for it defeats the whole purpose, but I know many people hwo have lived in apartment.. or people in NYC would never be able to adopt.... But alas, I'm writting that down as one of my questions to ask at the CWA meeting.

I have had no luck on the apartment hunt. I just don't make enough right now... but my goal is to be debt free this year, so I can start adopting without already being in debt... as I'm sure I will be afterwards. But eventually I will find a nice sized apartment within my price range.

Now off to shower and do my Beth Moore study. I will post how that study is going later.

Congrats to all those who have court dates and are heading over to Russia to pick up their children.

WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!

C is now available for adoption by L!!! IT's been almost a year that C has been in limbo with abondonment charges against his mother. He's been tossed back and forth, he's ha visitation then no visitation... but now, as of 4pm on Friday, 26.Jan, 2007, Christian's mothers rights were terminated.

I want to say now that I don't advocate terminating everyone's parental rights when they enter in the system, but this woman bondoned her 5 children, gave the 6th up for adoption, all of the children's fathers were illegals except her little girl. She was gone for something like 8 months before school officials firugred out something was wrong when the older two children (13 and 15 at the time) were taking turns skipping school to take care of the younger 3 (aged 5, 3.5 and 2 again at the time). This woman had no concern until they said they were going to criminal action, then suddenly she wanted her children back. The 3.5 yr old went to live with his father in Mexico, the 5 yr old lived with L until they could locate her father, to which now she lives happily in FL with her father, and C was the only one left.

After 3 grueling weeks of waiting for the court hearing, the case was heard on 8.Jan, 2007 and we just recieved a ruling!

I am celebrating. L now has 2 boys! 3.5 and 21 months. Both adopted, well C is going to be adopted as soon as it is legally possible!

YAY!!!!!!

Does this sound about right?

one of my goals this year is to begin the money fundraising. I was adding up how much it'd cost based on the rough sketch they give on teh CWA first planners thingy.. like before you sign with them they give you some numbers... I chose worse case scenario but only wiht like one return ticket.. as I hope to have such small children it doesn't matter...

Regardless, the amount I came up with is rounded up to just over 46000 USD. Now I know it is tacky to talk direct money, so I'm not asking how much you all paid, what I'm asking is this:

Is 46000 a "good" amount to shoot for in fundraising? I suppose I'm asking if that is a realistic amount.

1820 of that, mind you, is set in a 7 day stay in Moscow, 700 for a oneway ticket back for the children (only one ticket.. as I plan on having a lapchild and a seat incase) and 1000 for all my apostiling.

This is all pretty much worst case scenario money, but I wnat to be prepared and be happy to have a bit left over.

So those who have been there. Does 46000 seem a reasonable number in bringing home two children from Russian under the age of 3?

a decision

After talking to a fost-adopt mum here in KY, I hace decided to enter into that program.

I am not ending my goals of adopting from Russia and do plan to go ahead as soon as possible, but I know I am ready to be a parent now.

I have wanted to be a foster parent for some time, and this is one way to go about it. but I do know that I will continue my plan for adopting from Russia as son as i turn 23.

Okay, that being said... I'm apartment hunting tomorrow! Woo!

ganked

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's If... (I bolded the ones I remember.. as I was an '85 baby)

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE".
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair " ...and can do the "Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy. (I never wore them, but I remember thinking my older cousins were AWESOME for doing that!)
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: Hammer Pants.
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock ".
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect. (They were the poo man, totally amazing!)
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales". (I have some on tape that I have the kiddos at daycare watch.. they can all sing it!)
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen... and still know the turtles names. (sadly some of my favourite artists)
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. (Hell yeah! Every tuesday, we typed for 20 misn then played oregon trail for 30!)
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH ". (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear... need I say more.
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten.
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing " and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF".
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. (I still have a nice sized scar from playing slaps with my brothers)
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hookup.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (My jelly sandals. I was the coolest kid on the block!)
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide. (remember, they must have WATER on them to work.)
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It. (Neighbourhood skip it champion! Something rediculous like 500 skips in a row in under 10 mins... we had fun competitions that our mothers would organize.)
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy"
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do...getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family)
46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK "
47. You remember boom boxes. and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that. (I never wore one but my brother did, and he was a break dancer too.)
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
50. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales "
51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB". (Jeoy was my man... Donnie tried to burn down the Galthouse here in Louisville... Ahh I remember hearing he was arrested here and I cried.)
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell ", the ORIGINAL class.
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
56. You just sang those words to yourself.
57.You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
58. Homemade Levi shorts. (the shorter the better)
59. You remember when mullets were cool! (we all had one...)
60. You had a mullet!
61. You still sing "We are the World" (again, another thing I've taught the daycare children.)
62. You tight rolled your jeans.
63. You owned a bannana clip.
64. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
65. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
67. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head,aren't you!

Ahh how sad.

boredom

I was talking to a lady at work today who I call my Nana. She is the grandmother of one of the kiddos who has deeply touched my heart, and she thinks of me and the lady I teach with as second children (as we are both younger than her son). She asked about my adoptions and told me I was crazy to be going at it single and with the hopes of adopting two. I told her that I have always been one to jump in head first, and I want two because I fear I will never adopt again, especially if I have a rough adoption. then she asked me if she could go with me to russia! I laughed. Sadly I am thinking she may be the only option of a person to go with me.

My mum and I have been arguing constantly about adoption. I am withdrawling from school next semester (if I get to finish this semester even) and have decided to work at the daycare fulltime for one more year, then move on to bigger and better things. She thinks I'm stupid for staying at the daycare, for pulling out of school, and for wanting to adopt all four of my children before I turn 30. It's so frustrating to know that my mum, the woman who supported me through everything, is suddenly turning on me.

The adoption front is going very slowly for me, but I like it that way. In hopefully 6 months I will beo ut on my own, then I can start doing things... getting together with people, meeting adoption people.. meeting with CWA reps constantly... that sort of thing so when I turn 23 I can sign with the agency and go from there. I am so delighted to see another family off blogger with CWA have such a great experience. I need to email her and ask her about the "behind the scenes" type things, but I'm a chickenshit, I know this.

Anyway, off to shower and do the Bible study... I should probalby update on that.. but I'm sorry, this is the dumbest study I've done so far. I can't get into it, no matter how much I try. I despise looking up Bible verse after verse in hopes of understanding. I need a Bible in French... I'm sure I'd understand that much better... to me reading the Bible, even the new one I got, is like reading Latin... and I failed Latin... twice. I am going to stick with it, in hopes of learning something, growing to like it, or something, but all in all, I can't stand it. *insert whining here* I can't stand the people in my class, this old lady, who I respect because she is my elder and had far more amounts of life experience then I, likes to go on tangents about NOTHING! She talks and talks and we rarely get out before 9p because we have a watch a 45-50 min video every class as well. But she loes to talk... and the person hosting the meeting... I just suddenly feel very disconnected with her. She is the reason I took the class, in hopes of rekindling the connection ew've had in the past of really good bible studies, but alas...

And Renee... God that woman makes me want to hurl sharp objects. I was holding A's new baby girl... she's like 5 months old now.. not so baby anymore.. but regardless, I was playing the air game with her (holding her up and giggling at her) and Renee just walked up and snatched her from me. She was all "you get to see babies everyday, my youngest is 6"... All I could do was try not to smart back to her.. but I did tell her that NO, I don't get to hold babies everyday, I work with the twos and lately with the pre k class, who are 4/5. She mouthed off something and I just told baby Maddie that I'd see her on sunday and tried to sneak out as quietly as possible. A could tell I was upset, but Renee, oh no. That woman is so self centered. Makes me want to scream!
*end whining session*

Regardless, I'm enjoying my days iwth the pre-k.. they are fun, but they are 4. Their favourite question is "why?" and their favourite response (that they give when I ask THEM why) is "because I said so"... ahh how they learn.

MRI and mothers

So in first news tomorrow is my MRI on my knee. My knee is a lovely size of a softball, impossible to bend and all and all just lovely. I am not excited about my MRI tomorrow and truely hope it is an open MRI, not a closed. My mum is going with me, which should make it all.. interesting.

I learned that today my family is a lot like the show "Brothers and Sisters" on ABC. We aren't quite as big, but we are just as dysfunctional... and we do know ho to laugh at eachother. I broke it down by personality types.

My oldest brother Tony is much like Kitty. He is the successful one who lives away, getting ready to buy his own house, very republican, very... just very independent.

Nick is a lot like the brother Thomas. He is very responsible, yet not so much. Has the gf who hopefully will be a wife (whereas Thomas has the preggo wife... not wishing that on my brother, lol), he is just very litteral, yet very much a momma's boy.

I get to be like Kevin, the gay brother. I am not entirely the gay brother, hands down, but I do support and fight for gay rights. But more than that, I'm the youngest, I'm the one who doesn't speak my mind, who gets stuck with everything, yet who finds comfort in my mum being around. IT's quite crazy to see my family on TV.

Speaking of my mother, she's driving me bonkers! She keeps talking about how she'll pay for AI (Artificial insemination) as long as I'd just give her a grandchild "before" she "dies". Sh'es so dramatic! I keep explaining that NO, I do not want to have children biologically until I've adopted, and possibly never. I never wanted bio children, it's just not me. I have no reason to add to the population when I can help children who are already in the population. But she doesn't get that an adopted child is just as much her grandchild like a bio child. She just wants something NOW.

Work is great, life is going pretty good, family is sill crazy and I broke down and called my father to wish him a happy Bday. Haven't heard anything back (not that I thought I would.. going on many years no conact unless forced.. so). I suppose I could have been the princess and sent him a lovely present, but I opted out of that.

Until later,

Hawk

boredom at work

Normally I can't connect to the internet at work, but today it seems to be working okay *crosses fingers*

It's naptime, and while typing I am still watching my children, but I'm having a great day. All 8 of my kids (6 of which are two and 2 are 3) who are here are doing pretty darn good today (sans one little girl going through the first part of the terrible threes) and they are all actually asleep. Now anyone who has worked in a daycare knows the idea of all 8 two year olds asleep is rare... but let me take you a step further. In the room I'm in now, there are twos, threes, and fours. EVERY SINGLE child is asleep. This is a photo op so that I don't forget what this looks like.

I heard back from the lady at CWA who is hosting the programme in town on the 15th of march. She seems really cool but obviously doesn't reember me from our other set of emails sent a couple months ago. She stated she loves my email adress (which is odd... normally people remind me of how "highschool" it is), and she was very nice about the fact that I'm over a year out of adopting. She said that she is trying to get a single mother who adopted a little boy from Russia to come to the meeting. I am excited about that.

So I have the CWA free seminar on the 15th of March 17th of March (duh me) and now I'm on the CWA mailing list, and I don't think I could be happier. Plans are moving foreward, ideas are jumping ahead and all in all my life is taking off. My brother hasn't sent the information on the ank job yet, but he may. I did promise a few parents I would stay atleast until their kid goes through my class, which sadly is atleast 1.5 years longer here... which may not work. I did have one parent offer me a full time nanny/early education teacher to her child which would pay almost 4 times the amount I make here (which let me assure you comes out to only 20 bucks an hour) but that is still exciting. I figure if I took that route I could do up to 10 children 2 and older... which would satisfy several of my parents, and for 8 hours at 20 bucks an hour for just one kid would be 160 a day... and multiply that by ten... well I'm going off on money issues, which I know is tacky. Regardless, I could be paid well and still get the fun of teaching and being around kids.

It's 2:26 and naptime is over at 2:30.. and I've yet to make marks on any papers... allwell. I tried doing Math homework... and remember why I'd failed that class so many times (3 all together)... I hate math.

Poo BelBel is awake now... I need go make sure she's not tearing off her socks in an attempt to wake up BriBri (yes... severeal girls in my class get the double nickname).

Hope all is well...

I do however want to send out a great congrats to Lia and her husband for becoming the proud parents of two little boys, B and N. CONGRATS!!!!!

Hope all is well in the blogger world.

Nothing really

I need to send an email to the CWA lady setting myself up for the Mar 13 meeting. I meant to do that a bit ago, but I didn't get a chance to. Well I didn't email the lady, I jsut registared for the March 15th one. Hopefully that will be okay, as I never officially registared for the January one.. now to just actually put this one on my phone scheduler. The good thing.. these seminars are free and they will work with me even thought I'm atleast a year from adopting. I am pretty okay with that.

Work has been horribly lately. I love two year olds, but dammit, these children are killing me. I have the smartest class that I've ever had, even setting up a second cirriculum for my older 4 (and one of my younger ones, oddly enough) and they are doing great, but it's killing me trying to keep up with them. I have nor formal training as a teacher, and sadly now I want to be a teacher even more... but I'm learning that I have to make decisions with adoption in the best mindset.

I have a couple options, and neither of them seem to make me horribly happy. Option one is working for Norton Healthcare. They have an adoption reimbursment programme an dyou get 12 weeks off through FMLA after the completion of an adoption, as well as "materinity leave" for your adoption trips if adopting internationally. Honestly that's the best option.

Option two is working for Chase bank with my brother. I HATE numbers though, my greatest dyslexia is looking at skews of numbers all day. BUT Chase offers pretty much the same thing without the materinity leave, if I'm not mistaken. My brother is supposed to be sending me information.

Obviously I need to pick what is best for me, and for my future family. I need a job that I can make a comfortable living (obviously more than 35000 a year (as I was told that's the minimum requirement for adopting... thought I'm learning many things I was told aren't true.)), but that I can also be happy at. I see that at Norton's because I love the computer, and love computer work. My only problem is... I enjoy working with children.

I live for my job. I wake up grumpy in the mornings, but just walking into work I become this radical morning person. I love getting down and "hanging out" with my kiddos. I enjoy spending my one on one time with them every day (which I make sure to allot 10 mins a child everyday to just catch up on how their night was... and more specifically what they ate and who tucked them in). I ENJOY my life sitting at work, making up lesson plans and knowing that for 9 hours a day atleast all 10 of my children in my class feel loved, are taught discipline, learn, and most importantly know that there are atleast two people in the world who CARE about them. A few of my kiddos come from hard situations. I've had many foster kids who lives were in limbo (one little boy who life still is... until they make a court decision) and I just love the fact that I can be one constant in their little lives of turmoil.

It's not a complex. I know if I wasn't doing it, someone else would. I just enjoy being the person who does it. I enjoy knowing that I bring smiles to faces, the same faces that cry because they sit in time out, and smile when they get the airplane of fruit coming at them.

But I need to also think about the kids I can help when I adopt. The children I will have someday. And knowing that, I can't find a way to stay in a business I LOVE and still make enough money to obtain and support a family. I suppose I could find a "carrer" for a few years... then go back to what I love... but leaving my kiddos...

Growing up sucks, let me state that now! lol. I don't feel like I've had enough time to be a kid, yet I know it's time to grow up... but dammit, I DON'T WANT TO! (How's that? 2 yr old fittish enough? lol.)

Anyways, off to do a bit of HW and email my professors. I can't go to classes tomorrow cause I've done something amazingly horrible to my knee. My PCP told me he doesn't know WHAT I've done, but that I get to go for an MRI sometime this week. It's painful and hurts, but meh. I suppose it could be worse.. (I do get a fancy brace though.. it's hingy!) I've very excited about all this... sadly.

Regardless, Philosophy and Morality awaits me.

Actual Bible Study

I was incorrect on which Beth Moore Study we are doing in this session of Wednesday night Bible study. We are doing "A Heart Like His", the study of David.

It seems interesting.. hopefully it will be.

Church today... I don't like the Pastor's grouping of "who owns it all"... I'm not big on money sermons.

Regardless, off I go to veg for a while.

Cinnabon Cheesecake and more

So today Beth and I went to the most POINTLESS daycare training. It was called "songs, fingerplays, and more" and we both thought it sounded awesome! Our first choice to finish off our hours was one called "Multiple intelligence of children" geared twards two year olds. But we ended up going to Applebaum training instead (a personal favourite of both of ours!). Regardless, we went to the 1-4 class, and apparently we missed the earlier class with the lecturing and such. Instead we sat in a room and coloured. Yes, you read that right. A group of daycare teachers/directors/cooks colouring. My friking goodness! I can do that at my center anyday! Why would I go to a training? Because we got "song cards" and "puppet gloves". All stuff Beth and I MAKE for our kids.

Then when the presenter asked me how I liked the class and what I would take away with me... When I gave her my answer, she didn't like it. She very much blasted my idea of letting the kids play with the gloves by saying over and over again, "These are not made for children's hands, these are adult gloves". I was like "I know, but kids love to put on adult things... and it's a flipping glove." But they are very "gear oriented" and think that if you let a kid play with adult things, you are doing them a disservice. I laughed.

Needless to say.. that's the WORST class I've been to in almost 3 years. This one topped our "CPR training" class that we just watched a video and were deemed CPR certified (I have been certified for a few years, but Beth never was. She feels no more comfortable performing CPR after then class then she did before).

After class B and I went to TGIFriday's for lunch/supper. Their chicken fingers were GREAT, and the Broccoli/Cheddar soup was good but hot! I got a piece of Cheesecake to go, as that's my favourite dessert, and I just ate it. My goodness, rich but delicious!

Thanks Kim for the Bible recommendation. I need to get that before wednesday... I may go now to see if our Christian Bookstore has them.
I opted to order it offline for 14.99 VS getting it at the bookstore for 50 dollars. Yay for amazon... only thing is I won't have a Bible to take to class until it gets here.. in a week or such. Allwell, hopefully it'll be worth the wait. (I did look "inside" the book on Amazon, and loved the translation... exciting!


Now time to look at HWK.

Music

I just picked up my old trumpet! I'm so excited to play it again. I can't wait to be able to afford a french horn... cheap french horn.. double... ahhh yes. Mum's looking on ebay for me.

I'm excited to play music again. I can't wait to introduce such to my children someday. Music truely makes the soul free.

Anyway, just wanted to put a blurb here so I can remember to write about music later!

Later,
Hawk

Adoption Fair

One of the mum's at the daycare I work is a fost-adopt mum who I work very close with with her children. I often form bonds with them "just in case", often taking her oldest boy out for dinner once or twice a month (who's bio mum had a court date yesterday.. here's to hoping she doesn't get him back (she abondoned him and his 5 siblings when he was just over a year old. He came to our daycare at 2 and now at 3.5 yrs old he is thriving, going to school, speaking in almost clear sentences and only has mild behaviour problems.. a complete 180 from his previous behaviour.)) Regardless, this mum gave me the bit on the adoption fair in Louisville. Wednesday's child is holding the fair and I am truely hoping CWA will be there.

I have to email the lady at CWA and inform her I will not be at the informational meeting saturday. I have a daycare training that day that ends an hour before the adoption training begins and I do not forsee myself being able to drop off the lady I teach with and get across town. It's nearly impossible. I will reschedule it for the March 13th day. That should be easier!

In other news, the adopt fair. I am excited to go to it. Going to try to drag along my mum in hopes of convicing her that not having little red headed children of my own will not harm me in any way. the way I explained it to her is "I am in a unique area of my life that I see so many children who NEED a loving forever family... I can be that. That doesn't stop me from some day changing my mind and having biological children, but even with biological children, the pull to adopt has been too strong... since I was 5. I think that is the right calling for me, to adopt." She just keeps saying she'll never have grandkids. (In her defense my 30 yr old brother isn't married, and can't keep a GF cause he's a chovanist, and my middle brother, 26, has his first serious gf who isn't psychotic, and very well could be married in a year... but we all think he's gay.) Regardless, dealing with her constantly telling me I'll never have the funds, or I won't be able to do it, really doesn't help much.

I bought a few things for my new apartment. I still don't have an apartment, but I should be debt free by the end of this year (sans schooling debt) and I will be able to move into a two bedroom and hopefully start fost-adopting infants and sibling sets, and that will just help my efforts for foreign adoption.

I can't wait to grow up, yet I don't want to, all at the same time. One thing I know, however, is I am very ready to be a parent. Very ready.

Let me introduce myself to you

I realized I have never posted a proper introduction on here.

I am Hawk. I don't hate my birthname, but I don't share it often. Most everyone I know calls me Hawk or Sprout. I am almost 22, almost (as in just over a month away), and I am quite excited for my birthday.

At the moment I live with my mother, which really is not the best place for me. I am looking into apartments, but right now I cannot afford a simple studio, let alone anything worth bringing a child into. I have already planned my apartment out, but it's pretty useless until I get an apartment.

I am a college student, doing horribly at the moment, but hopefully will pull this out this semester (assuming I can find the money to afford paying for it). If I could just pass math, I would be good.

I work at a daycare teaching two year olds. Constantly chasing children has given me a new admiration for parents. I have worked at said daycare for just under 3 years, June is my anniversary date. I love my kids, often taking them outside of daycare for a day at Chuck E Cheese or the likes (one at a time, I'm not insane enough to take 10 out by myself!). I float sometimes at work, and love the younger classes, as they don't talk back too much. No has by far become my most dested word in the world.

I teach sign langauge to my kiddos, as well as french. I am fluent in French (going on 8 years now fluent) and I have been signing since I was about 4 years old. I love seeing kids connect ideas with signs, it gives a small child so much better a chance to communicate. I am working on becoming fluent in Russian. I refuse to let my adopted children (whomever they may be) lose a part of their culture simply because I adopted them. My goal is to involve as much Russian culture into my life, so they will not feel completely alienated.

I has been in love only once in my life, and my heart was ripped from my chest. More than likely I won't open myself up again for that to happen. I will just go for the flow at this moment. Love happens.

I love reading and music. My life became bland after I stopped playing the French Horn after highschool. I'm looking now for a cheap horn, just to put life back in my... well, life.

I think that is all. Feel free to ask questions... or not. It's all good.

Later

Children's Names

My mum asked me about names for kids. Today I spent a lot of time thinking about it and stuck with the names I have loved since I was about 5.

My twins (which I hope to adopt first) will be Aleskei Zakary (Aleksei = Defender, Zakary = God has remembered) and Aubrey Ezekial (Aubrey = Noble Ruler, Ezekial = God Will Strengthen).
My next boy will be Kaelin James (Kaelin = Pure, James = Supplanter).
My daughter will be Elisabeth Katherine *after her grandmother she will never meet* (Elsabether = God is my Oath, Katherine = Pure)

I know i fI adopt older children this will likely change, as changing the name of children over 4 seems cruel to me (in a way, I fear they'd never adjust to them). But regardless this is my goal.

Aleksei Zakary, Aubrey Ezekial
Kaelin James
Elisabeth Katherine

New Year

New Year means new things, including a redeclaration of faith.

I am starting a new bible study in the wednesday night classes under Andee. It is Beth Moore's study of Daniel.

Sadly the first thing I must do is go get a Bible. Is that not sad? The last Bible I was given as a gift, it was the day of my baptism in the RLDS church. It was an Adventure Study Bible for teens. I used it for many years, and possibly will use it to better break things down, then have the grown up Bible to take to class with me. That way I seem mature while still getting things broke down so I understand them better without having to look like an idiot asking questions. I will be the youngest in the class, by no less than 10 years... as I think Andee will be clostest in age to me and she is 32, almost 33. But this is not the first time. The last Bible study, 2 sessions ago, was at Andee's house and it was just Frankie, Andee, and myself. Frankie was 31, Andee 32, and myself 21. It is daunting to know these people have been a lot further along in their walk than myself, but alas, there is nothing for "young adults" at this church... and if I bring it up with the pastor, he'll make me head of the commitee for finding a young adult population in teh church.. which is impssible. The next oldest to me is 27 (which is young adult.. but only her) and the next younger wise is 16. I am the old person out.

Regardless, Beth Moore. I plan on using this blog for daily life too. As I mature and grow I am learning that many blogging sites are not meant for an older crowd, except this one.

"Explore Beth Moore's newest study, the Book of Daniel!

Divided into 2 parts, the 1st portion (Daniel 1-6), emphasized by Lives of Integrity, deals with the life of the prophet and is extremely contemporary. Daniel faced pressures and temptations similar to those of a Christian in today's world. He teaches and models for us how to develop enduring integrity in an enticing world.

The 2nd half (Daniel 7-12), turns to explore the prophecies of Daniel. It deals in-depth with the historical details, predictions, and fulfillments detailing history from the time of Daniel, through the inter-biblical period, the time of Christ, and on to the second coming of Christ." http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=1415825882

Anyways, I am excited and plan on going out to look for a Bible tomorrow, barring I have the money, which I should. Any suggestions?

Edit:

I do have one thing I must get off my chest. Renee will be in my class and God is really going to have to show me some patience. I cannot stand her at church, outside of church and anywhere else. She has a habit of dropping by my second job and I just want to scream. She is loud, obnoxious and thinks the world revolves around her problems. She also has a habit of calling me out in classes. The last sesion of classes I had with her (Sessions 2 and 3 of the year) she felt the need to call me out every time I had a tear in my eye. I have a very sensative soul when it comes to children crying, or parents crying because of their children. The leader, Karla, talked a bit about how her son took to his grandfather (her father) dying, and I cried. I felt so bad hearing her story, yet she felt the need to have the group "pray for me". I was embarassed and didn't attend 3 weeks after that. I do not do well being called out like that, let alone when I'm already crying. Regardless, a little happy thought as I deal with my feelings for her and trying not to knock her out, would be greatly appreciated.

New year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!