101 Questions

Okay, not 101, but a few.

I am pondering over closed VS. Open adoption. I read DEBBIE'S blog daily and after waiting for a Russian adoption she opted instead for an open domestic adoption. I read a few other blogs she links out religiously and I often wonder... "Open VS Closed".

I don't want to seem closed minded... not at all. Open adoptions seem uncomfortable to me... I'll be perfectly honest. I have wanted closed adoptions from the begining, which is why foreign adoption seemed so right to me... it was where I was being called. And now I am in a different seaseon with my life and find myself looking at open adoptions, domestic adoptions and adoption through the foster care system... all of which have been shown to me by people who I look up to in the adoption world.

That said... I often wonder... Why open? Why the need to have the birth mother so close? What if the birth mother doesn't want to BE that close? Is open good for the kids bonding times? I mean, if they KNOW this other woman was their mum, that's one thing, but to be in monthly or whatever contact with her, couldn't that confuse the kid? Does confusion become greater as the kid gets older, teh feelings of resentment over "Well, why did you choose not to keep me but kept them?" (I know a woman who gave up her 8th kid, but kept the other 7.) Couldn't that cause confusion for the kid over parents VS PARENTS?

I sound horrible, I know that, but these are all honest thoughts in my head, and dammit this is my blog. If you don't like my honesty, go away :)

that all said, I'm sure I'll add a million more questions to this over time, and as our adoption gets closer (HAH! I've come to think it'll NEVER happen :( ) I'm sure I'll have a million more questions.

thanks,

Hawk

It's been a while

and I doubt I have any readers left... if I had any in teh first place.

A lot has changed and time is flying by.

I am still pursuing the dream of adopting a child from Russia.
A lot has changed and hopefully I will be able to catch up blogging! I still read daily the blogs I love adn have added so many to my list (mostly from Debbie's side bar! She is a wealth of blogs!).

~Hawk

Names

Me - Hawk

Aleksei - Kestrel
Aubrey - Falcon
Elisabeth - Eagle
Kaelin - Osprey

So I finished finding birds of prey to go with. I didn't want ot call my future children "Vulture" or "Buzzard".. those aren't cute ones! So I found the Osprey.. and it's a pretty bird, much like a Hawk, and are often called Sea Hawks... which I like.

So now my children are all sorts of birds of prey.. I just.. if I choose more than 4, which I may, I have to go with Vulture and Buzzard.. cause there aren't that many BoP.. lol.

From Russia With Love

Dateline did an article tonight on a family who adopted 3 sets of twins from Russia... I want to be that family!

I enjoyed the bit of the article I got to see (my cousin came over to talk about her acceptance into Nursing school). I did not like, however, the big emphasis on gender vs colour. Like the little boy who picked the purple snorkle, and the parents freaked... the da took the blue snorkle and kept saying "blue, boy"... it bothered me to a deep level... it's a little boy.. he doesn' thave an understanding of colour vs gender yet, and he should never be forced to fit into that sterotype!

Regardless, what that woman did was amazing! If you didn't watch it, please visit the link and READ about it. Those parents were truely selfless and did an amazing thing for not just 2 children, as they had planned, but 6 children total! Amazing story!

March, what?

It's march, what?

In less than a week I have my first meeting with CWA, I'm actually quite nervous.

17th is coming to fast, yet not fast enough. I truely just hope thye are as sweet as everyone makes them out to be...

I don't have much else to write about, sadly.

Children's Names

My mum asked me about names for kids. Today I spent a lot of time thinking about it and stuck with the names I have loved since I was about 5.

My twins (which I hope to adopt first) will be Aleskei Zakary (Aleksei = Defender, Zakary = God has remembered) and Aubrey Ezekial (Aubrey = Noble Ruler, Ezekial = God Will Strengthen).
My next boy will be Kaelin James (Kaelin = Pure, James = Supplanter).
My daughter will be Elisabeth Katherine *after her grandmother she will never meet* (Elsabether = God is my Oath, Katherine = Pure)

I know i fI adopt older children this will likely change, as changing the name of children over 4 seems cruel to me (in a way, I fear they'd never adjust to them). But regardless this is my goal.

Aleksei Zakary, Aubrey Ezekial
Kaelin James
Elisabeth Katherine

Timeline

Kim asked me what my timeline was in a comment, and as I'm learning that you can't really reply to comment, I figured the only way to answer this for her was post it, and hope she reads it.

My timeline at this moment is nothing compared to other bloggers. I will be 22 in Feb, and then still have one more year to go before I can officially adopt from Russia. Basically over this next year, starting the day after I turn 22, I will start fundraising. I am not rich, and am quite single (and honestly seeing it stay that way for quite some time), but this is something that I've wanted, needed to do, since I was little.

But after I hit the magic age of 23, I will start the official process. I am "agency shopping" right now, but have pretty much decided to go with Christian World Adoptions (CWA) as I've talked to a couple of people from there and they are willing to start working with me now, to make sure I'm very ready in just over a year for the official process.

As for kids, my first goal is twins. I always wanted to do just one kid first, but I'm afraid I'll never go back, especially if I have a difficult or costly first time, so I want to start with twins. Age wise - under 3, but I'm not picky.

But that is as much of a timeline as I have. just over 1 year before officially begining, then hopefully before my 24thb-day to bring home. I know along the way that will change and all that fun stuff, and I'm waiting for it to. Adoption is the goal, so I'm not all about sticking within limits I suppose.

But yeah, that's about it.

~Hawk

CWA meeting

I found out you only have to be 23 to adopt from Russia. If I can make it by 23, I will deffinately be there.

I signed up for a CWA (cwa.org) free seminar on Jan 13 in town. I am excited about this andthe opportunity it will present.

I am interested in adopting Twins, I wonder how easily that can be done. I was 4 total... hopefully the cost alone won't break me. Now off to find "friends" through blogger and set up a good support system.

~Hawk

No time to update

No one reads here yet, though I hope to change that as soon as I can, but I am unsure how to make friends on blogger. It should be interesting.

I am researched more about adoption and homeschooling, as both appeal to me. I am spending my time tonight out with a little boy I work with who is adorable. These outtings with daycare kids makes me all the more ready to begin my family. I want to be able to hold a child, my own child, knowing that as long as I lived, this would be my child. It's those little blurbs that makes working with daycare kids even harder. To see those parents drop them off every morning, knowing their child cries for hours. I understand you have to at times, and I know I will have to drop mine at daycare, but it is better to find a childcare centre that your children ENJOY going to. If dropping them every morning is traumatic, it's not the right place for them to be.

I have taken up learning russian again. I learned a few great phrases a few years ago, but I have since forgotten most of them. I will have to come back and edit this with the link I am using for learning. It is a great programme you download onto your computer... I just cannot remember the name.

Anti-Adoption

It is very interesting to me to find anti-adoption people. People who believe that adoption is merely buying babies from poor scared young mothers. They never take into account that adoptions come in all forms. It may be a foreign or domestic adoption, but it may also be a step father adopting his step son, a surrogate donating the eggs to an infertile couple. Sites like www.antiadoption.org anger, yet amuse, me. It is amazing to see how people percieve everyday things.

While many people think they are rescuing the child from poor conditions in Russia or the inhumanity of China, they do not realize the harm they are doing to the child by taking it away from its family and culture.

Source

It s harmful to take a child from an orphanage in Russia where they have no family. It's harmful to hold a child who otherwise may have never been touched, sent to an imbecile home when they got too old for the orphanage, or worse, turned out to pasture in the streets. It's horrible for that huh?

I just don't understand the mindset behind the anti-adoption movement. It makes no sense to me how they can think a child would be better in the life of a "parent" who wants nothing to do with them, but have no options of adoption. It's beyond my mind how people can think that no matter how much you love someone, you'd never be their child because you didn't come from their eggs and little swimmers.

I am beyond baffled by this notion.