I dunno.. I don't know wha tot say here righ tnow.
I have signed up for fost/adopt placement classes.. whcih should be interesting...
Works been a whole lot of suckage... I have an autistic kid, a sensory disorder kid and a FAS kid... which makes my days very hard to organize and schedule.. and I enjoy organization and a routine in my classroom. today alone I was bit, hit, kicked, smacked, scratched and called every curse word in the book by my FAS kid. His log book that I keep on his day is VERY long today... as all day he was a problem (and sadly he goes to school for 4 hours a day!). I just felt like sitting down and crying today... tha'ts how bad it was.
Not only do I have the children to contend with, I have the other teachers. I had a pretty large fight with another teacher about Islam and the principles and terrorism... and I wanted to smack her.
I feel like every day since last thursday (sans sat and sun of course) I've taken a phsycial beating at work and come home... deadtrodden. Not wanting to move.
Goodness I need a vacation.
Another blog I read linked his out.. and I thought it fit very well into the conversation I had today with Smokey the bear (coworker).
enjoy:
29 January 2008
03 January 2008
Priviledge meme
I saw this about on a foster parent site...
1. Father went to college for one semester
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college Mum went to a nursing school to become a Doctors assistant... it was a 12 month programme... but she graduated
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. Mum was and still is HUGE on books... always.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 Karate, softball
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively. HAH! I wear gothic punk type clothing... generally we are preaching anarchy or something!
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp uhm.. church camp for free!
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels Hell no.. da had a big white van!
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child. A la Fox, Thunder and Hawk!
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house I dunno how this relates to privledge.. but okay...
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school. Hand me down of Fox's
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up. FREE for kids under 11 at one gallery here... totally our families style!
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
1. Father went to college for one semester
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college Mum went to a nursing school to become a Doctors assistant... it was a 12 month programme... but she graduated
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. Mum was and still is HUGE on books... always.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 Karate, softball
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively. HAH! I wear gothic punk type clothing... generally we are preaching anarchy or something!
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp uhm.. church camp for free!
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels Hell no.. da had a big white van!
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child. A la Fox, Thunder and Hawk!
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house I dunno how this relates to privledge.. but okay...
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school. Hand me down of Fox's
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up. FREE for kids under 11 at one gallery here... totally our families style!
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
24 December 2007
Politics.. politics.. Whaaa?
So I see many bloggers posting about politics and the canidates they choose.. and I'm utterly amazed at how many ultra conservatives I have considered blog friends. My goodness people.. the amount of oppression you wish upon the american people baffles me!
Regardless, I still consider them my blogger friends and really enjoy going to their blogs! Politics is the least of my worries (as my best friend in a pro-life, anti gay marriage, ultra conservative right wing nutjob!). I just find it amusing that people are all.. "We want ot bring out children to america to give them a better life.. but no mexicans allowed!".. I giggle.
I digress.
As for politics in my own realm... as you can see from my banners up top... I am pro-queer and massive HIV/AIDS research... I firmly despise Huckabee, and openly let everyone know why. Guliani is the closet republican I can agree with.. but I still dun like him all that much. I think some of the republican canidates need a reality check.... and pretty much hate all politics.
That said, I'm an Obama person. I firmly stand by 90% of Obama's views.. and he's pretty damn cool. Clinton scares the bejebus outta me... and I really don't consider any of the other Democratic canidates viable in the race.
Regardless, if my politics bother you, by all means, please don't read here anymore.. but as I said, I don't base friendships offa politics, and if you don't want a politic discussion on your forum, please say so. I don't want to offend people, but I also love a good natured debate (I use debate in the academic term of a friendly banter back and forth using true facts, not involving childish emotions or name calling.).
Anyway, feel free to strike up a debate here on my blog. I am VERY okay with that, and welcoem anyone to talk with me about it.
Later,
~Hawk
Regardless, I still consider them my blogger friends and really enjoy going to their blogs! Politics is the least of my worries (as my best friend in a pro-life, anti gay marriage, ultra conservative right wing nutjob!). I just find it amusing that people are all.. "We want ot bring out children to america to give them a better life.. but no mexicans allowed!".. I giggle.
I digress.
As for politics in my own realm... as you can see from my banners up top... I am pro-queer and massive HIV/AIDS research... I firmly despise Huckabee, and openly let everyone know why. Guliani is the closet republican I can agree with.. but I still dun like him all that much. I think some of the republican canidates need a reality check.... and pretty much hate all politics.
That said, I'm an Obama person. I firmly stand by 90% of Obama's views.. and he's pretty damn cool. Clinton scares the bejebus outta me... and I really don't consider any of the other Democratic canidates viable in the race.
Regardless, if my politics bother you, by all means, please don't read here anymore.. but as I said, I don't base friendships offa politics, and if you don't want a politic discussion on your forum, please say so. I don't want to offend people, but I also love a good natured debate (I use debate in the academic term of a friendly banter back and forth using true facts, not involving childish emotions or name calling.).
Anyway, feel free to strike up a debate here on my blog. I am VERY okay with that, and welcoem anyone to talk with me about it.
Later,
~Hawk
22 December 2007
WOAH
1028 hits here... WOOHOO! I broke 1000 hits!
(yes, I relaize soem people get over 1000 a day, but not me... I'm excited to have 1000 in 6 months!)
WOOHOOOO!!!
(yes, I relaize soem people get over 1000 a day, but not me... I'm excited to have 1000 in 6 months!)
WOOHOOOO!!!
Happy Holidays
So I've become more and more secretive about this blog. If you don't knwo me in real life, you have this blog.. if you do... you don't.. what a fun sentence.
I have been reading a couple blogs lately that put's that anon feeling in danger, yet I can't stop reading these blogs. They are some blogs that pertain to the center I work out.. about 6 of them.. and it's amusing to me.
I love getting inside my parents heads... I've been so disappointed lately with them. I work at a center and teach a class of older children. And it's so sad to me seeing as I had most of these kids in the youngers class a couple years ago, and to have them now and see how horrible these parents have become! The children too, I should add.
I hate this time fo the year, as the parents expect SO much from the staff. We've stopped all lessons in my room and are merely riding on a little break. Well apparently that means that it is time to start the Christmas projects adn the fact that I didn't have a single project go home my parents complained. It's not my fault that I am dealing with a classroom of unruly children where I get NO HELP.
And I have to deal with the other teacher in the room. She told me earlier on in the year when I was asking about a video that I couldn't do the video, she would, simply because I'd play favourites with some children... YET.. and a BIG YET here...
She bought xmas gifts for all her kids... AND then she went out and bought special things for 3 boys and then 2 littles... 2 of those 3 boys were who I was accused of playing favourites with. I find that so fucking amusing and annoying at the same time. Not only was I so poor this season that I had to go to teh dollar store, she just HAD to show me up by getting them exactly what they asked me for. It's so fucking annoying to see that.
I'm particularly cranky tonight, I may edit this post later when I'm not so pissed. I just.. the woman has good intentions I think.. but annoys the shit outta everyone till they give in. ANd get this, she thinks she's an author because she's got a book "deal" with a self publisher... I find that all the more ammusing... seeing as if she sent the book for a real publisher they'd laugh her outta the water!
Regardless, I'm feelign very insulty tonight, so I'm gunna stop the post here... I just REALLY needed to get out this frustration... which runs so deep that some day I'll sit down and really list out the shit going on at the centre I work at... someday.
Oh other things in life...
EJ is heading home for Xmas and new years... whic makes me sad. He chose to party with friends in his college home instead of spending our first new years together... and with already being emotional for many reasons, that was just a slap in teh face. But ofcourse I dont' tell him that... no need to be clingy. So now I'm sitting here being bitchy, hence the first half of the post... but I did get in a great bath tonight... Soaked then showered to get all teh mucky stuff off... and I feel so.. clean. lol. Generally I run 15 min showers so I can talk to EJ.. who knew.
I ahve the last bit of xmas shoppign to do tomorrow. I gotta go get my brother something from a particular store that is the only place in town that carries this one thing... which makes me sad. CAuse I know it's gunna be expensive. Makes me sad to be poor.
As for life in general... its' been a hard week. Nothing seems to be going right.. it was so pitiful at nap today at the centre I merely sat there adn laughed my head off simply because if I didn't I'd cry. I really do not like this time of year... people get their emotions hurt too much, or you expect something that never comes... or stupid things like that. So generally I keep my expectations low and all that shit.. and sadly it's hit even lower than my expectations were... and they were pretty low... though I did end up with 50 bucks in starbucks gift cards... when all else fails... Chai Tea... yum.
Now I'm finally going ot get some sleep.. as I gotta wrestle with all the other late time shoppers tomorrow who are just now getting out. Hopefully the xway will be clear enough that it won't be horrible to morning commute out there. Who knows.
Anyways,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAY! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!
I have been reading a couple blogs lately that put's that anon feeling in danger, yet I can't stop reading these blogs. They are some blogs that pertain to the center I work out.. about 6 of them.. and it's amusing to me.
I love getting inside my parents heads... I've been so disappointed lately with them. I work at a center and teach a class of older children. And it's so sad to me seeing as I had most of these kids in the youngers class a couple years ago, and to have them now and see how horrible these parents have become! The children too, I should add.
I hate this time fo the year, as the parents expect SO much from the staff. We've stopped all lessons in my room and are merely riding on a little break. Well apparently that means that it is time to start the Christmas projects adn the fact that I didn't have a single project go home my parents complained. It's not my fault that I am dealing with a classroom of unruly children where I get NO HELP.
And I have to deal with the other teacher in the room. She told me earlier on in the year when I was asking about a video that I couldn't do the video, she would, simply because I'd play favourites with some children... YET.. and a BIG YET here...
She bought xmas gifts for all her kids... AND then she went out and bought special things for 3 boys and then 2 littles... 2 of those 3 boys were who I was accused of playing favourites with. I find that so fucking amusing and annoying at the same time. Not only was I so poor this season that I had to go to teh dollar store, she just HAD to show me up by getting them exactly what they asked me for. It's so fucking annoying to see that.
I'm particularly cranky tonight, I may edit this post later when I'm not so pissed. I just.. the woman has good intentions I think.. but annoys the shit outta everyone till they give in. ANd get this, she thinks she's an author because she's got a book "deal" with a self publisher... I find that all the more ammusing... seeing as if she sent the book for a real publisher they'd laugh her outta the water!
Regardless, I'm feelign very insulty tonight, so I'm gunna stop the post here... I just REALLY needed to get out this frustration... which runs so deep that some day I'll sit down and really list out the shit going on at the centre I work at... someday.
Oh other things in life...
EJ is heading home for Xmas and new years... whic makes me sad. He chose to party with friends in his college home instead of spending our first new years together... and with already being emotional for many reasons, that was just a slap in teh face. But ofcourse I dont' tell him that... no need to be clingy. So now I'm sitting here being bitchy, hence the first half of the post... but I did get in a great bath tonight... Soaked then showered to get all teh mucky stuff off... and I feel so.. clean. lol. Generally I run 15 min showers so I can talk to EJ.. who knew.
I ahve the last bit of xmas shoppign to do tomorrow. I gotta go get my brother something from a particular store that is the only place in town that carries this one thing... which makes me sad. CAuse I know it's gunna be expensive. Makes me sad to be poor.
As for life in general... its' been a hard week. Nothing seems to be going right.. it was so pitiful at nap today at the centre I merely sat there adn laughed my head off simply because if I didn't I'd cry. I really do not like this time of year... people get their emotions hurt too much, or you expect something that never comes... or stupid things like that. So generally I keep my expectations low and all that shit.. and sadly it's hit even lower than my expectations were... and they were pretty low... though I did end up with 50 bucks in starbucks gift cards... when all else fails... Chai Tea... yum.
Now I'm finally going ot get some sleep.. as I gotta wrestle with all the other late time shoppers tomorrow who are just now getting out. Hopefully the xway will be clear enough that it won't be horrible to morning commute out there. Who knows.
Anyways,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HOLIDAY! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!
10 December 2007
07 December 2007
YAY
friday, BF just turned on to 264.. so he'll be here within the next 10 mins.. woohoo!
YAY FRIDAY!
YAY FRIDAY!
30 November 2007
boredom
Lunch breaks are horrible when you do them alone. I mean, I have several blogs in my friended sections, I have several favourite places that range from boredom reads to blogs I enjoy reading just to get angry about to prove to myself I have more a soul than they do (it's a shortcomming of mine, I deal with it!)
but sitting here right now, I realize I'm horribly bored. I have taken my book, in the last few days, from 20K to 80K... and sadly I'd win nano if I felt okay about submitting my books pages I've written... but alas, I don't! Damn my morals.
I have 10 mins left on my lunch break and I'm bored enough that I'm going to set out and get a milkshake... I want one. I seriously do.
Today at home is going ot be busy. I have to pack when I get home (cause i got lazy last ngiht and decided to sleep), then run over to teh party store, then head out and hopefully make it to EJ's before 730pm. that way we can go out ot eat and then come home, crash and drink.
I am making supper tomorrow night for us. Chicken covered in soup, baked, with baked potatos and soem type of fruit.. I'm hoping ot convince him to get a fruit medely... but I suppose I'll figure it out after I get there. I'm excited ot be all "homey" with him.. it feels right.
Last night he asked me if this turned in to a long term relationship what kind of wedding I'd want... this is the second time he's mentioned weddings nad marrying me... makes me nerovus so much. But I told him I'd just want something siple and would be content to go to the clerks office and get married that way... I mean, shit neither one of my parents invited me to their marriages why should I feel obligated to invite them? I don't. (childhood trauma 101).
anyway, if I'm getting a shake, I gotta go. 7 mins left.. adn it'll take me that long ot drive to DQ and order... yay for being late I suppose!
Later!
~hawk
but sitting here right now, I realize I'm horribly bored. I have taken my book, in the last few days, from 20K to 80K... and sadly I'd win nano if I felt okay about submitting my books pages I've written... but alas, I don't! Damn my morals.
I have 10 mins left on my lunch break and I'm bored enough that I'm going to set out and get a milkshake... I want one. I seriously do.
Today at home is going ot be busy. I have to pack when I get home (cause i got lazy last ngiht and decided to sleep), then run over to teh party store, then head out and hopefully make it to EJ's before 730pm. that way we can go out ot eat and then come home, crash and drink.
I am making supper tomorrow night for us. Chicken covered in soup, baked, with baked potatos and soem type of fruit.. I'm hoping ot convince him to get a fruit medely... but I suppose I'll figure it out after I get there. I'm excited ot be all "homey" with him.. it feels right.
Last night he asked me if this turned in to a long term relationship what kind of wedding I'd want... this is the second time he's mentioned weddings nad marrying me... makes me nerovus so much. But I told him I'd just want something siple and would be content to go to the clerks office and get married that way... I mean, shit neither one of my parents invited me to their marriages why should I feel obligated to invite them? I don't. (childhood trauma 101).
anyway, if I'm getting a shake, I gotta go. 7 mins left.. adn it'll take me that long ot drive to DQ and order... yay for being late I suppose!
Later!
~hawk
29 November 2007
frustrated
Today was frustrating. Work is misserable. I'm seriously considering a new job all because of one of my fellow employees. She feels that since she's been there longer, the world revlolves around her. She enjoys making decisions for me, enjoys tattle telling on me, and stupid shit like that. It's become fun to see who can piss the other one off more.
That said, I couldn't quit my job, I love it so.
I go up to visit EJ this weekend, I'm so excited. I'm buying a bottle of everclear vodka and a pack of Guiness and once up there we are shopping for food for hte weekend as well as some sprite and Cranberry juice... I am going to make Claydoughs all weekend (1 shooter of everclear, half a tumbler of cranberry, half a tumbler of sprite... omg, first real mixed drink I had at college, best I ever tasted!) but I'm also a bit poor this weekend, flying with only 30 bucks to get booze and food.. However, I may get a less strong Vodka just so i can do mt. Dew shooters... (which you can't do with 190 proof vodka... 90% ethanol, 10% water.. talk about "feeling the burn".. woo)
Yes, I'm getting drunk this weekend because life is falling apart around me. Mum is crazy, work is crazy, relationship is crazy, and really, I don't care much. I'm going to be at a safe place in a city with several contacts (two of those being my brothers who don't drink anymore), as well as being in a known area for drinking and being with someone I trust (atleast with monitoring my alcohol). He knows I'm planning drunkenness, as he's getting merely guiness for him so he can be my "watcher". I'm going to enjoy my weekend.
That said, I still have one more day at work, and I must remember that it's a bad idea to talk too much tomorrow for pissing off the teacher only means more horrible things for me come monday...
Now I go to bed with my sullen self and pray away my time tomorrow at work... Then pray for a LONG weekend that doesn't seem like it's flying away... yes, that would be best.
Goodnight all.
That said, I couldn't quit my job, I love it so.
I go up to visit EJ this weekend, I'm so excited. I'm buying a bottle of everclear vodka and a pack of Guiness and once up there we are shopping for food for hte weekend as well as some sprite and Cranberry juice... I am going to make Claydoughs all weekend (1 shooter of everclear, half a tumbler of cranberry, half a tumbler of sprite... omg, first real mixed drink I had at college, best I ever tasted!) but I'm also a bit poor this weekend, flying with only 30 bucks to get booze and food.. However, I may get a less strong Vodka just so i can do mt. Dew shooters... (which you can't do with 190 proof vodka... 90% ethanol, 10% water.. talk about "feeling the burn".. woo)
Yes, I'm getting drunk this weekend because life is falling apart around me. Mum is crazy, work is crazy, relationship is crazy, and really, I don't care much. I'm going to be at a safe place in a city with several contacts (two of those being my brothers who don't drink anymore), as well as being in a known area for drinking and being with someone I trust (atleast with monitoring my alcohol). He knows I'm planning drunkenness, as he's getting merely guiness for him so he can be my "watcher". I'm going to enjoy my weekend.
That said, I still have one more day at work, and I must remember that it's a bad idea to talk too much tomorrow for pissing off the teacher only means more horrible things for me come monday...
Now I go to bed with my sullen self and pray away my time tomorrow at work... Then pray for a LONG weekend that doesn't seem like it's flying away... yes, that would be best.
Goodnight all.
23 November 2007
ugh
as you may or may not have noticed, not much is up on my nano blog.. I've decided to step back in to writing on my book... for I have a sense of renewed passion for writing and my mum actually gave me a great idea... she said "just send it off... to every place you can... who knows, someone may actually like it!"... so I wrote over 10000 words of my book in the last week.. which means my nano has suffered horribly. I don't htink I'm going to win nano this year, but that's okay. I'll call it a win if I can write 30K on my book before the end of the month.. cause while I didn't finish my nano task, the point of nanowrimo is to get people writing.. and it has! boy has it!
So alas, I'm going back to writing on my book... and here's to hoping to start sending it out by the new year!
So alas, I'm going back to writing on my book... and here's to hoping to start sending it out by the new year!
21 November 2007
I am thankful
Today at lunch with my kiddos, we did an "I am thankful for" talk. I teach Pre-K, mind you, so some of the answers were cute ("I am thankful for my mummy cause she gave birth to a kitten!" kinda things!) but some were really serious. Today I also had 4 school agers (two in Kindergarten and 2 in first grade).
The kids ranged from alligators to their parents/grandparents to the animals and beyond to Jesus, God and Death. Since I had them do it, I figured I'd do it too!
My Thankful list
1) God, the one and only person who is with me all the time.
2) family, as crazy as they are, it could be worse.
3) friends, B and E are my best friends, and honestly, I'd have it no other way. I don't make friends very easily, I'm not really an outgoing person, but I've found my niche with those people.
4) My kiddos... I have so many kids every year, simply by where I work. Some test my nerves, some make me grey prematurely, some make me scream that I never want kids, EVER (Daycare/Preschool, best Birth control in the world!), but in the end, when we sit down for lunch and have a great talk about God or our lessons from that day or even about their bath last night... OR when they are getting ready to leave and I get a huge hug with an "I love you Hawk!" screaming out of their mouth as they run off with mum or da... those are the moments I wouldn't change for the world.
5) every chance I get to work with youths. I understand teenagers, I'm not too far outside of the teen world myself, and it's exciting to me to be able to work there and give back somewhere where other's helped me.
Those are my top 5. I'm excited this year.
~Hawk
The kids ranged from alligators to their parents/grandparents to the animals and beyond to Jesus, God and Death. Since I had them do it, I figured I'd do it too!
My Thankful list
1) God, the one and only person who is with me all the time.
2) family, as crazy as they are, it could be worse.
3) friends, B and E are my best friends, and honestly, I'd have it no other way. I don't make friends very easily, I'm not really an outgoing person, but I've found my niche with those people.
4) My kiddos... I have so many kids every year, simply by where I work. Some test my nerves, some make me grey prematurely, some make me scream that I never want kids, EVER (Daycare/Preschool, best Birth control in the world!), but in the end, when we sit down for lunch and have a great talk about God or our lessons from that day or even about their bath last night... OR when they are getting ready to leave and I get a huge hug with an "I love you Hawk!" screaming out of their mouth as they run off with mum or da... those are the moments I wouldn't change for the world.
5) every chance I get to work with youths. I understand teenagers, I'm not too far outside of the teen world myself, and it's exciting to me to be able to work there and give back somewhere where other's helped me.
Those are my top 5. I'm excited this year.
~Hawk
19 November 2007
Old poetry
HAH, I was researching a bit of stuff I used to write.. and I found a site with some older poetry on it... shocker ot me... I Didn't know I had any poetry out there!
So now I post for others to critique...
Poem 1:
Time and space
One little boy sits to the side
Bleeding and bruised, wishing he would die
His father is yelling, rage all around
As he sits there, slumped to the ground
He knows not what to do
A young boy, a heart so true
No matter what he does, he gains bruises more and more
If only he could do something to even the score
Thoughts run through his head
His mother lying there, bruised and dead
Only a dream, he tells himself
His father better not, or else
He thinks of school children as they go by
Then his life flashes before his eyes
All the fun times he had with his family
Getting sick from loading up on candy
It seems as nothing in this week has gone right
Everything he's done ended up with a fight
The boy at school with the mean right hook
And the principal about that apple he took
The girl he liked telling him that he's trash
Or his mother telling him their out of cash
Why can't his life be better than this
Kinda like how people explain their first kiss
Sweet and gentile, warm and nice
Apples and peaches, sugar and spice
Butterflies and flowers
Sweet throughout the hours
But no, not him
In a family full of sin
One full of anger above all others
One that always was blood covered
He was jolted back to reality by a smack to the face
If only there was someone to take his place
A dark little puppy, so worn out
From fighting and scampering and running about
He blacks out from the tremendous pain
A little life with all but gain
All he needs is a wonderful place
Everything as well as time and space
Poem 2:
The Night
You give a promise
I accept such fate
I hope you are truthful
Or I find out before it's too late
You answer my questions
I ask because I don't know
You help me understand
The side I cannot show.
I wonder if anyone can hear me
When I scream out loud
I wonder if you understand me
When I slump not so proud
So now you tell me
That it will never happen with you
But can I see into your heart
A heart so wholesome and true
I can read what you say
Without much of my own
I hope you can understand me
With what I have shown
I give to you my heart
Open without a care
I show it to you because
This embrace is not a dare
Please protect me with your love
And show me it is alright
I am scared of what may become
Without my shield so tight
So now I post for others to critique...
Poem 1:
Time and space
One little boy sits to the side
Bleeding and bruised, wishing he would die
His father is yelling, rage all around
As he sits there, slumped to the ground
He knows not what to do
A young boy, a heart so true
No matter what he does, he gains bruises more and more
If only he could do something to even the score
Thoughts run through his head
His mother lying there, bruised and dead
Only a dream, he tells himself
His father better not, or else
He thinks of school children as they go by
Then his life flashes before his eyes
All the fun times he had with his family
Getting sick from loading up on candy
It seems as nothing in this week has gone right
Everything he's done ended up with a fight
The boy at school with the mean right hook
And the principal about that apple he took
The girl he liked telling him that he's trash
Or his mother telling him their out of cash
Why can't his life be better than this
Kinda like how people explain their first kiss
Sweet and gentile, warm and nice
Apples and peaches, sugar and spice
Butterflies and flowers
Sweet throughout the hours
But no, not him
In a family full of sin
One full of anger above all others
One that always was blood covered
He was jolted back to reality by a smack to the face
If only there was someone to take his place
A dark little puppy, so worn out
From fighting and scampering and running about
He blacks out from the tremendous pain
A little life with all but gain
All he needs is a wonderful place
Everything as well as time and space
Poem 2:
The Night
You give a promise
I accept such fate
I hope you are truthful
Or I find out before it's too late
You answer my questions
I ask because I don't know
You help me understand
The side I cannot show.
I wonder if anyone can hear me
When I scream out loud
I wonder if you understand me
When I slump not so proud
So now you tell me
That it will never happen with you
But can I see into your heart
A heart so wholesome and true
I can read what you say
Without much of my own
I hope you can understand me
With what I have shown
I give to you my heart
Open without a care
I show it to you because
This embrace is not a dare
Please protect me with your love
And show me it is alright
I am scared of what may become
Without my shield so tight
it's officially winter
My voice has died. Every year from winter till my bithday (in Feb) my voice goes bye bye. I tried to explain this to EJ last week, that when he got back form Vaca and saw me again... that I wouldn't be able to speak right... he didn't understand... Well when I get up there saturday night, He'll see first hand what I'm talking about. Or better, what I meant, as I won't be talking too much.
Time to pull out my irish teas and hot totties... woo...
GO MEL AND MAKS!!!!!!! (ahem)
Time to pull out my irish teas and hot totties... woo...
GO MEL AND MAKS!!!!!!! (ahem)
18 November 2007
ahh laundry
I did my moutain of laundry today... sadly I threw about half of it into the donation pile. Really I wear teh same outfits week after week, doing just a load on sundays of what I'll need for the next week... well I'm trying to simplify (makes moving out easier) and thus, I did all of it today then threw a bunch into the donation pile. I still kept some I can't part with.. but I cleaned out my drawers, my closet.. now I gotta clean out the chest of drawers in my closet and pack it up. IT's mainly stuff from my childhood.. all my old Karate Gee's, my old softball/baseball stuff, shit like that... that has true meaning... So It's gunna get packed up and stacked on the floor of my closet, and I'm going pull the set of drawers out, and see if my little cousin can use it.. then put my shifferobe into the closet, that'll give me more floor room in my tiny bedroom... but I just gotta find a place to put my fish tank... or pack it up and put it away (yeah right!). Regardless, I'll get a smal stand of it.. I think Fox gave me one for it.. I just gotta make sure it holds a ten gallon.
THat's what's on my plate this week. After I get that done, I'm gunna work on getting my floor 100% paked up so I can mop it (it's a wood floor, original wood of the house) and shine it up a bit. My room, hopefully, wil be 100% done by new years day. Hopefully.
This weekend has sucked.. Ive had nothing to do but clean, which is good, but still sucky... and nothing to do with humans. I avoid my parents like the plague, I am oing to get enough of them come thanksgiving day... but yeah.. EJ is out visiting his mum and da... so I've been stuck home all weekend, and I'm hatin it. He gets home next saturday.. and I can't wait... lol.
Anyway, life is alright, albeit a bit boring, how's your's going?
THat's what's on my plate this week. After I get that done, I'm gunna work on getting my floor 100% paked up so I can mop it (it's a wood floor, original wood of the house) and shine it up a bit. My room, hopefully, wil be 100% done by new years day. Hopefully.
This weekend has sucked.. Ive had nothing to do but clean, which is good, but still sucky... and nothing to do with humans. I avoid my parents like the plague, I am oing to get enough of them come thanksgiving day... but yeah.. EJ is out visiting his mum and da... so I've been stuck home all weekend, and I'm hatin it. He gets home next saturday.. and I can't wait... lol.
Anyway, life is alright, albeit a bit boring, how's your's going?
14 November 2007
fuck the world
Wanna know what I should be doing? Writing. I'm writing on my book, but not my nano.. the whole point of doing Nano so much was to take a break. I opted to Nano this year jsut to TAKE A BREAK from writing... yeah... take a break from writing by writing... alright...
I'm not sane... I know this!
Anyway, life in general.. alright.. even though I'm in a FUCK THE WORLD mode (oddly, that's the song I'm listening to as well!). My kiddos are crazy.. we started a daycare attitude adjustment camp at work.. my kids are on "lock down" because they have to earn my trust again... I come back from vacation to find my kids were rude, hellions and down right disrespectful. I didn't work so hard to teach them to have them do this... so alas, we are simply going "back to basics" and my parents LOVE IT! They get to have fun, they get to play, but they are also responsible for their behaviour. So my little guys are really doing a lot better with it than i thought they would! We have had a rought 3 days, but over all, they really enjoy all the personal attention they get.
Anyway, I'm going to shower and off to bed now!
I'm not sane... I know this!
Anyway, life in general.. alright.. even though I'm in a FUCK THE WORLD mode (oddly, that's the song I'm listening to as well!). My kiddos are crazy.. we started a daycare attitude adjustment camp at work.. my kids are on "lock down" because they have to earn my trust again... I come back from vacation to find my kids were rude, hellions and down right disrespectful. I didn't work so hard to teach them to have them do this... so alas, we are simply going "back to basics" and my parents LOVE IT! They get to have fun, they get to play, but they are also responsible for their behaviour. So my little guys are really doing a lot better with it than i thought they would! We have had a rought 3 days, but over all, they really enjoy all the personal attention they get.
Anyway, I'm going to shower and off to bed now!
05 November 2007
whirlwind
I am going to be more diligent in writing here daily, as I can. That's my Halloween resolution... oh what? You don't get one of those? Well I do.. the Great Pumpkin gave it to me.
Regardless, I just started Nano.. we are in another state visiting the step brother/sister in law, the neice and nephew... it's a scary place, texas... it's november and it's HOT! Like, I could og jump in the swimming pool and still sweat hot. I miss my cold weather from home.
I started adn posted my nano on my other blog... please feel free to read and see what that does for you.
I wanna point out now that I know that this blog has talked little to none about adoption lately/ever.... okay it started out as my adoption blog... I was going strong.. then I stale mated when I learned Ig ot some wrong information. I could not adopt at 21, like was previously told to me... and thus I have to be 25 basically.. I'm only 22 people... At this rate, I'll never adopt... so while I read everyone's blog still, though you'd never know it because I'm afraid to comment too too much, I dont' talk much about adoption here cause it others me. I want kids, I want my kids, and I want them through the adoptions I've always dreamed of. UGH life is so damn complicated when you're impatient.
Now back to regular stuff. I'm going out in search of blog friends tomorrow after a fun filled day wiht the babies. I'm going out in search of 20 some thing people who will actually comment and talk to me, people I can ge tot know... not 700 hits and not a damn comment... EVER... I want to know the people reading this... I want to make friends. So even if you aren't 20 something, please, comment, talk to me, let's get to know eachother! I don't bite, unless you are into that kinda stuff... then I'm sure we could work something out.. maybe...
Rgardless, I'm cranky and tired adn miss EJ, of all people. I was supposed to be spending this weekend at his place, cuddling before a stupid movie... though I think we are out of stupid movies (though he REALLY wnats me to see 40 yr old virgin.. and I hveno desire.. though I've seen the other two by the same director (knowcked up and Superbad)....who knows.. perhaps in 2 weeks that will be our movie...)
I miss simple pleasure, El Chico's, Appleby's, Max and Erma's... simple things that don't have a mascot... yes, no more mascots.
Now I pass out and sleep. I'm so tired and my chest hurts... I hate chest pains.. grrr... I'm too young ot be falling apart.
Good night!
Regardless, I just started Nano.. we are in another state visiting the step brother/sister in law, the neice and nephew... it's a scary place, texas... it's november and it's HOT! Like, I could og jump in the swimming pool and still sweat hot. I miss my cold weather from home.
I started adn posted my nano on my other blog... please feel free to read and see what that does for you.
I wanna point out now that I know that this blog has talked little to none about adoption lately/ever.... okay it started out as my adoption blog... I was going strong.. then I stale mated when I learned Ig ot some wrong information. I could not adopt at 21, like was previously told to me... and thus I have to be 25 basically.. I'm only 22 people... At this rate, I'll never adopt... so while I read everyone's blog still, though you'd never know it because I'm afraid to comment too too much, I dont' talk much about adoption here cause it others me. I want kids, I want my kids, and I want them through the adoptions I've always dreamed of. UGH life is so damn complicated when you're impatient.
Now back to regular stuff. I'm going out in search of blog friends tomorrow after a fun filled day wiht the babies. I'm going out in search of 20 some thing people who will actually comment and talk to me, people I can ge tot know... not 700 hits and not a damn comment... EVER... I want to know the people reading this... I want to make friends. So even if you aren't 20 something, please, comment, talk to me, let's get to know eachother! I don't bite, unless you are into that kinda stuff... then I'm sure we could work something out.. maybe...
Rgardless, I'm cranky and tired adn miss EJ, of all people. I was supposed to be spending this weekend at his place, cuddling before a stupid movie... though I think we are out of stupid movies (though he REALLY wnats me to see 40 yr old virgin.. and I hveno desire.. though I've seen the other two by the same director (knowcked up and Superbad)....who knows.. perhaps in 2 weeks that will be our movie...)
I miss simple pleasure, El Chico's, Appleby's, Max and Erma's... simple things that don't have a mascot... yes, no more mascots.
Now I pass out and sleep. I'm so tired and my chest hurts... I hate chest pains.. grrr... I'm too young ot be falling apart.
Good night!
24 October 2007
update
Update. There isn't one. We are under water... loads of rain.
I'm back hanging out with EJ... we are gunna do Hubers this weekend in hopes that things work out. I dunno.. I like him, but we aren't much more than friends with hugs right now. I dunno.. boys suck.
I have a nasty cough, but that's it.. stupid Ohio Valley Crud.
Uhm... hmm.. I dunno. I've selected an agency, and will be happy to sign with them when I'm old enough. Mum's on a rampage about me having bio kids. she keeps saying "you have good genes! If you have kids with EJ, think about how SMART your kids will be... little left handed geniuses!"... oh mum. She just wants a baby at her side right now.. and she knows Fox and Thunder aren't giving her anything (HAH! My brothers, have babies? YEAH RIGHT!)
I started working on my Nano.. not started on it, per sey, but started on my character list and a bit about each character. I'm excited about this years... no clue why. But yes, I am happy to begin writing agian.. it's been a while. I started a blog for my nano.. it's under my profile if you want to read about it. Hopefully I'll update daily on it.. but HAH, we all know how that goes.
Other than that, life is moving on. Too stressful, too emotional, too just way out there for everyda living.. so we'll live 4 of 7 days! rest 3! lol. If only.
Anyway, off to write up a character sheets for my nano.. woo.
I'm back hanging out with EJ... we are gunna do Hubers this weekend in hopes that things work out. I dunno.. I like him, but we aren't much more than friends with hugs right now. I dunno.. boys suck.
I have a nasty cough, but that's it.. stupid Ohio Valley Crud.
Uhm... hmm.. I dunno. I've selected an agency, and will be happy to sign with them when I'm old enough. Mum's on a rampage about me having bio kids. she keeps saying "you have good genes! If you have kids with EJ, think about how SMART your kids will be... little left handed geniuses!"... oh mum. She just wants a baby at her side right now.. and she knows Fox and Thunder aren't giving her anything (HAH! My brothers, have babies? YEAH RIGHT!)
I started working on my Nano.. not started on it, per sey, but started on my character list and a bit about each character. I'm excited about this years... no clue why. But yes, I am happy to begin writing agian.. it's been a while. I started a blog for my nano.. it's under my profile if you want to read about it. Hopefully I'll update daily on it.. but HAH, we all know how that goes.
Other than that, life is moving on. Too stressful, too emotional, too just way out there for everyda living.. so we'll live 4 of 7 days! rest 3! lol. If only.
Anyway, off to write up a character sheets for my nano.. woo.
08 October 2007
04 October 2007
Been a while/name game
theifed.
The Name Game
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car),
James Malibu
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie),
Vanilla Thin Mint
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
KMcG
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),
Purple Ocelot
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
McGKi
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
The Black Water
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),
Elza Earl
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy),
Vanilla Wuthers
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Jean Edward
11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),
(I have four 5th grade teachers.. I just pick one) Lase Lexington
12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).
Winter Tulip
13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Apple Pantsie
14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree),
Chai Maple
15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Latch hook Snow Tour
The Name Game
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car),
James Malibu
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie),
Vanilla Thin Mint
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
KMcG
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),
Purple Ocelot
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
McGKi
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
The Black Water
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),
Elza Earl
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy),
Vanilla Wuthers
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Jean Edward
11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),
(I have four 5th grade teachers.. I just pick one) Lase Lexington
12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).
Winter Tulip
13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Apple Pantsie
14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree),
Chai Maple
15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Latch hook Snow Tour
14 September 2007
Random meme
type your year of birth and click google images, and voilà! A story to tell.
1985
We are the world is recorded by USA for Africa (Jackson still had a nose!)
Ernie Wise makes the first British Mobile phone call with Vodafone
Dukes of Hazzard goes off air after 6.5 years (it was all cause they brought in the "cousin" dukes instead of sticking with the originals.)
The night stalker kills his first two victims
New Coke failed.
Auschwitz "death Angel", Josef Mengele, is found to be buried in Brazil under the name "Wolfgang Gerhard"
Air India Flight 182 blew up killing all 329 on board
TWA flight 847 is hijacked by Hezbollah (look in the corner.. it talks about Mengele in the same article!)
SUPER MARIO BROS RELEASED!!!
Blockbuster opens in Texas
John Gotti becomes leader of the Gambino family
Wow.. 1985 was boring....
1985
We are the world is recorded by USA for Africa (Jackson still had a nose!)
Ernie Wise makes the first British Mobile phone call with Vodafone
Dukes of Hazzard goes off air after 6.5 years (it was all cause they brought in the "cousin" dukes instead of sticking with the originals.)
The night stalker kills his first two victims
New Coke failed.
Auschwitz "death Angel", Josef Mengele, is found to be buried in Brazil under the name "Wolfgang Gerhard"
Air India Flight 182 blew up killing all 329 on board
TWA flight 847 is hijacked by Hezbollah (look in the corner.. it talks about Mengele in the same article!)
SUPER MARIO BROS RELEASED!!!
Blockbuster opens in Texas
John Gotti becomes leader of the Gambino family
Wow.. 1985 was boring....
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