I am thankful

Today at lunch with my kiddos, we did an "I am thankful for" talk. I teach Pre-K, mind you, so some of the answers were cute ("I am thankful for my mummy cause she gave birth to a kitten!" kinda things!) but some were really serious. Today I also had 4 school agers (two in Kindergarten and 2 in first grade).

The kids ranged from alligators to their parents/grandparents to the animals and beyond to Jesus, God and Death. Since I had them do it, I figured I'd do it too!

My Thankful list

1) God, the one and only person who is with me all the time.
2) family, as crazy as they are, it could be worse.
3) friends, B and E are my best friends, and honestly, I'd have it no other way. I don't make friends very easily, I'm not really an outgoing person, but I've found my niche with those people.
4) My kiddos... I have so many kids every year, simply by where I work. Some test my nerves, some make me grey prematurely, some make me scream that I never want kids, EVER (Daycare/Preschool, best Birth control in the world!), but in the end, when we sit down for lunch and have a great talk about God or our lessons from that day or even about their bath last night... OR when they are getting ready to leave and I get a huge hug with an "I love you Hawk!" screaming out of their mouth as they run off with mum or da... those are the moments I wouldn't change for the world.
5) every chance I get to work with youths. I understand teenagers, I'm not too far outside of the teen world myself, and it's exciting to me to be able to work there and give back somewhere where other's helped me.


Those are my top 5. I'm excited this year.

~Hawk

Old poetry

HAH, I was researching a bit of stuff I used to write.. and I found a site with some older poetry on it... shocker ot me... I Didn't know I had any poetry out there!

So now I post for others to critique...

Poem 1:
Time and space

One little boy sits to the side
Bleeding and bruised, wishing he would die
His father is yelling, rage all around
As he sits there, slumped to the ground

He knows not what to do
A young boy, a heart so true
No matter what he does, he gains bruises more and more
If only he could do something to even the score

Thoughts run through his head
His mother lying there, bruised and dead
Only a dream, he tells himself
His father better not, or else

He thinks of school children as they go by
Then his life flashes before his eyes
All the fun times he had with his family
Getting sick from loading up on candy

It seems as nothing in this week has gone right
Everything he's done ended up with a fight
The boy at school with the mean right hook
And the principal about that apple he took

The girl he liked telling him that he's trash
Or his mother telling him their out of cash
Why can't his life be better than this
Kinda like how people explain their first kiss

Sweet and gentile, warm and nice
Apples and peaches, sugar and spice
Butterflies and flowers
Sweet throughout the hours

But no, not him
In a family full of sin
One full of anger above all others
One that always was blood covered

He was jolted back to reality by a smack to the face
If only there was someone to take his place
A dark little puppy, so worn out
From fighting and scampering and running about

He blacks out from the tremendous pain
A little life with all but gain
All he needs is a wonderful place
Everything as well as time and space

Poem 2:

The Night

You give a promise
I accept such fate
I hope you are truthful
Or I find out before it's too late

You answer my questions
I ask because I don't know
You help me understand
The side I cannot show.

I wonder if anyone can hear me
When I scream out loud
I wonder if you understand me
When I slump not so proud

So now you tell me
That it will never happen with you
But can I see into your heart
A heart so wholesome and true

I can read what you say
Without much of my own
I hope you can understand me
With what I have shown

I give to you my heart
Open without a care
I show it to you because
This embrace is not a dare

Please protect me with your love
And show me it is alright
I am scared of what may become
Without my shield so tight

it's officially winter

My voice has died. Every year from winter till my bithday (in Feb) my voice goes bye bye. I tried to explain this to EJ last week, that when he got back form Vaca and saw me again... that I wouldn't be able to speak right... he didn't understand... Well when I get up there saturday night, He'll see first hand what I'm talking about. Or better, what I meant, as I won't be talking too much.

Time to pull out my irish teas and hot totties... woo...

GO MEL AND MAKS!!!!!!! (ahem)

ahh laundry

I did my moutain of laundry today... sadly I threw about half of it into the donation pile. Really I wear teh same outfits week after week, doing just a load on sundays of what I'll need for the next week... well I'm trying to simplify (makes moving out easier) and thus, I did all of it today then threw a bunch into the donation pile. I still kept some I can't part with.. but I cleaned out my drawers, my closet.. now I gotta clean out the chest of drawers in my closet and pack it up. IT's mainly stuff from my childhood.. all my old Karate Gee's, my old softball/baseball stuff, shit like that... that has true meaning... So It's gunna get packed up and stacked on the floor of my closet, and I'm going pull the set of drawers out, and see if my little cousin can use it.. then put my shifferobe into the closet, that'll give me more floor room in my tiny bedroom... but I just gotta find a place to put my fish tank... or pack it up and put it away (yeah right!). Regardless, I'll get a smal stand of it.. I think Fox gave me one for it.. I just gotta make sure it holds a ten gallon.

THat's what's on my plate this week. After I get that done, I'm gunna work on getting my floor 100% paked up so I can mop it (it's a wood floor, original wood of the house) and shine it up a bit. My room, hopefully, wil be 100% done by new years day. Hopefully.

This weekend has sucked.. Ive had nothing to do but clean, which is good, but still sucky... and nothing to do with humans. I avoid my parents like the plague, I am oing to get enough of them come thanksgiving day... but yeah.. EJ is out visiting his mum and da... so I've been stuck home all weekend, and I'm hatin it. He gets home next saturday.. and I can't wait... lol.

Anyway, life is alright, albeit a bit boring, how's your's going?

fuck the world

Wanna know what I should be doing? Writing. I'm writing on my book, but not my nano.. the whole point of doing Nano so much was to take a break. I opted to Nano this year jsut to TAKE A BREAK from writing... yeah... take a break from writing by writing... alright...

I'm not sane... I know this!

Anyway, life in general.. alright.. even though I'm in a FUCK THE WORLD mode (oddly, that's the song I'm listening to as well!). My kiddos are crazy.. we started a daycare attitude adjustment camp at work.. my kids are on "lock down" because they have to earn my trust again... I come back from vacation to find my kids were rude, hellions and down right disrespectful. I didn't work so hard to teach them to have them do this... so alas, we are simply going "back to basics" and my parents LOVE IT! They get to have fun, they get to play, but they are also responsible for their behaviour. So my little guys are really doing a lot better with it than i thought they would! We have had a rought 3 days, but over all, they really enjoy all the personal attention they get.

Anyway, I'm going to shower and off to bed now!

whirlwind

I am going to be more diligent in writing here daily, as I can. That's my Halloween resolution... oh what? You don't get one of those? Well I do.. the Great Pumpkin gave it to me.

Regardless, I just started Nano.. we are in another state visiting the step brother/sister in law, the neice and nephew... it's a scary place, texas... it's november and it's HOT! Like, I could og jump in the swimming pool and still sweat hot. I miss my cold weather from home.

I started adn posted my nano on my other blog... please feel free to read and see what that does for you.


I wanna point out now that I know that this blog has talked little to none about adoption lately/ever.... okay it started out as my adoption blog... I was going strong.. then I stale mated when I learned Ig ot some wrong information. I could not adopt at 21, like was previously told to me... and thus I have to be 25 basically.. I'm only 22 people... At this rate, I'll never adopt... so while I read everyone's blog still, though you'd never know it because I'm afraid to comment too too much, I dont' talk much about adoption here cause it others me. I want kids, I want my kids, and I want them through the adoptions I've always dreamed of. UGH life is so damn complicated when you're impatient.


Now back to regular stuff. I'm going out in search of blog friends tomorrow after a fun filled day wiht the babies. I'm going out in search of 20 some thing people who will actually comment and talk to me, people I can ge tot know... not 700 hits and not a damn comment... EVER... I want to know the people reading this... I want to make friends. So even if you aren't 20 something, please, comment, talk to me, let's get to know eachother! I don't bite, unless you are into that kinda stuff... then I'm sure we could work something out.. maybe...

Rgardless, I'm cranky and tired adn miss EJ, of all people. I was supposed to be spending this weekend at his place, cuddling before a stupid movie... though I think we are out of stupid movies (though he REALLY wnats me to see 40 yr old virgin.. and I hveno desire.. though I've seen the other two by the same director (knowcked up and Superbad)....who knows.. perhaps in 2 weeks that will be our movie...)

I miss simple pleasure, El Chico's, Appleby's, Max and Erma's... simple things that don't have a mascot... yes, no more mascots.

Now I pass out and sleep. I'm so tired and my chest hurts... I hate chest pains.. grrr... I'm too young ot be falling apart.

Good night!

update

Update. There isn't one. We are under water... loads of rain.

I'm back hanging out with EJ... we are gunna do Hubers this weekend in hopes that things work out. I dunno.. I like him, but we aren't much more than friends with hugs right now. I dunno.. boys suck.

I have a nasty cough, but that's it.. stupid Ohio Valley Crud.

Uhm... hmm.. I dunno. I've selected an agency, and will be happy to sign with them when I'm old enough. Mum's on a rampage about me having bio kids. she keeps saying "you have good genes! If you have kids with EJ, think about how SMART your kids will be... little left handed geniuses!"... oh mum. She just wants a baby at her side right now.. and she knows Fox and Thunder aren't giving her anything (HAH! My brothers, have babies? YEAH RIGHT!)

I started working on my Nano.. not started on it, per sey, but started on my character list and a bit about each character. I'm excited about this years... no clue why. But yes, I am happy to begin writing agian.. it's been a while. I started a blog for my nano.. it's under my profile if you want to read about it. Hopefully I'll update daily on it.. but HAH, we all know how that goes.

Other than that, life is moving on. Too stressful, too emotional, too just way out there for everyda living.. so we'll live 4 of 7 days! rest 3! lol. If only.

Anyway, off to write up a character sheets for my nano.. woo.

Prayers

if you pray, please pray for Wendy. Her daughter, in Guat., has gone down hill fast with Hydrocephaly.

You can read all about their case HERE. Please keep this little girl, and her whole family in your prayers.

Been a while/name game

theifed.

The Name Game

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car),
James Malibu

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie),
Vanilla Thin Mint

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
KMcG

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),
Purple Ocelot


6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
McGKi

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
The Black Water

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),
Elza Earl

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy),
Vanilla Wuthers

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Jean Edward

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),
(I have four 5th grade teachers.. I just pick one) Lase Lexington

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).
Winter Tulip

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Apple Pantsie

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree),
Chai Maple

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Latch hook Snow Tour

Random meme

type your year of birth and click google images, and voilà! A story to tell.

1985

We are the world is recorded by USA for Africa (Jackson still had a nose!)



Ernie Wise makes the first British Mobile phone call with Vodafone



Dukes of Hazzard goes off air after 6.5 years (it was all cause they brought in the "cousin" dukes instead of sticking with the originals.)



The night stalker kills his first two victims



New Coke failed.



Auschwitz "death Angel", Josef Mengele, is found to be buried in Brazil under the name "Wolfgang Gerhard"



Air India Flight 182 blew up killing all 329 on board



TWA flight 847 is hijacked by Hezbollah (look in the corner.. it talks about Mengele in the same article!)



SUPER MARIO BROS RELEASED!!!



Blockbuster opens in Texas



John Gotti becomes leader of the Gambino family



Wow.. 1985 was boring....

De-Lurking week!

Okay, I'm starting De-lurking week! We are in the fall season and everything starts to change and all that stuff.. SO, I am starting de-lurker week. I dunno if anyone will participate, but hell, I'm putting it out there.

I have over 500 hits.. I get one or two comments from the same person (and my SBP, who I dunno who that is yet) and I Wanna know who else is reading my blog!

So here's your chance.. DE LURK! I plan to delurk on the blogs I read (which will take me the better part of the week.. haha!

Okay.. the point? DE LURK! just say HI!

~Hawk

School starts, tooth pulled, finger gidgets

Okay, I had tooth #31 pulled today (12 year molar).. and wow.. hurts.

School started this week for my pre schoolers... My GOD! They are killing me. 10 min writing exercises are turning into 3 hour projects... My little smarty? Yeah, takes him teh longest because all I hear outta him is "that's rediculous" "why do I have to do BOTH sheets?" "Ugh, this is rediculous" 100 times! I had to break his little heart the other day (Wednesday)... everyone else in the class (6 other kids right now) got done... and he was still on the dots of his name sheet (3 rows of dots with his name, then 4 rows of write it yourself name) and so I took the other kids outside and left him in with the 3 yr old class... I felt horrible about it, but he did his work yesterday (and I was out with my tooth today, so I dunno how he did).

I know it's a slow process, I know it's going to take time, first week, blah blah blah.. but it's driving me crazy that I can't get them to even get half the work done in 15 mins... But I dunno... I went out to the teacher supply store and bought fight widgets that go on their pencils. I've got 2 leftys and 5 rightys.. and I have a hard time teaching the rightys to write better... so these widgets are specially designed for the correct hand.. and that's what I'm gunna use to hopefully get everything in order that way.

Week one is done though, and I am exhausted, even after having a day off... I hate the thoguht of going back on monday and seeing that the folders didn't go home, that work was not done on friday... I dread thinking who she (my boss) put in my class.. and the chaos that one day off schedule this early in the game can cause.. but the tooth had to come out.

I am getting prepared for a get together with EJ.. he wants to "talk" about what he said, about everything... shit... I dunno.. I'm not thinking right, cause I invited him down for the day... we are gunna go hang out at waterfront and go out to dinner to talk.. stupid boys.

Anyway, on the adoption front... I added 2 agencies to my list, and took away 4.. so I'm down to 6 agencies who I'll chose who to go with from. It's kinda sad.. right now, my life is so far from adoption, yet it would be perfect right now to adopt.. blah.

Hope all is well with all of you!

Back to basics

Boys suck.. plain and simple...

Back to basics.. talked to EJ about what we "were" and he proceeded to tell me all about this other person he's interested in and why this makes our situation interesting.. cause if he lived near this other person, he'd date them in a heartbeat.. but since he lives in a whole nother state from this person.. he is "settling" for me (yet, he didnt' say it that way... He said was ".although in all likelihood it won't make a difference since I find it hard enough to find one person to date not to even mention two :-P").. so basically he's settling for me cause he'll never find anyone else... Which.. sucks.

Anyway.. we may still hang out, but I'm not going to think about classifying it other than a friendship... no worrying about being exciting around him, no more wondering if he likes me.. no more hand holding or wanting something mor eoutta that... It's all just a friendship now.. and while that royally sucks and rips at my being... it also just makes sense. I'm not dating material.. I'm not marriagement material.. I'm a settlement.

Allwell.. back to basics.. Boys suck, no more dating, just me being single and living that life again with a smile on my face. I don't have to settle for anyone.. and I won't. but it still sucks so much it makes me cry. Stupid boys.

In memory

1 year ago a plane crashed up in Lexington. We didn't think much of it, except, oh how sad. Then mum got a phone call from her best friend "How's Fox doing after the crash?"... and it all got kinda scary... "What do you mean how's Fox?" "Oh, you didn't know?" "No, WHAT DON'T I KNOW ABOUT FOX???" "His GFs parents were on that flight.... they are dead"

Two people we knew died on that flight, and today marks the one year anniversary of that death.

So in the memory of all those who died in the flight, and in the greatest memory of the Combs'... Please take a moment to remember everyone, all 50 lives touched by the flight, 49 of them lost.

• Rebecca Adams, 47
• Christina Anderson, 39
• Lyle Anderson, 55
• Arnold Andrews, 64
• Anne Marie Bailey, 49
• Bobbie Benton, 50, and Jesse Clark Benton, 48
• Carole Bizzack, 64
• George Brunacini, 60
• Brian Byrd, 28
• Jeffrey Clay, 35
• Homer Combs, 51, and Karen Diane Combs, 52
• Fenton Dawson, 46
• Thomas Fahey, 26
• Mike Finley, 52
• C.W. Fortney II, 34
• Wade "Bart" Frederick, 44
• Hollie Gilbert, 35
• Erik Harris, 28
• Kelly Heyer, 27
• Jonathan Hooker, 27, and Scarlett Parsley Hooker, 23
• Priscilla Johnson, 54, and JoAnn Wright, 56
• Tetsuya Kono, 34, and Nahoko Kono, 31
• Charles Lykins, 46
• Dan Mallory, 55
• Steve McElravy, 57
• Lynda McKee, 58
• Bobby Meaux, 31
• Leslie Morris II, 72, and Kaye Morris, 58
• Cecile Moscoe, 29
• Judy Rains, 35
• Michael Ryan, 55
• Mary Jane Silas, 58
• Pat Smith, 58
• Timothy Snoddy, 51
• Marcie Thomason, 25
• Greg Threet, 35
• Randy Towles, 47
• Larry Turner, 51
• Victoria Washington, 54
• Jeff Williams, 49
• Paige Winters, 16
• Bryan Woodward, 39
• Betty Young, 74
• James Polehinke The lone survivor

Date three

Okay, so dating for you married people who read my blog may not SEEM interesting.. but for me.. it is.

Date three went great. We hung out at his apartment, had a beer, played video games and watched the simpsons and Venture brothers. It was pretty cool! We even held hands.. which for me was happy... Taking it slow...

He did break my "goal code" on my other journal.. which sucks.. cause now he knows "goal" for date 4 in a couple weeks.... but that's okay.. perhaps he'll take charge and do it... but who knows.

Anyway, off to run around for a bit.. only sucky thing about dating EJ is that he lives in Lex and I'm in Lou.. about an hour and a half away... so I hate that we can really only see eachother on weekends right now.. but that's taking it nice and slow...

Alright, update later with my agency post.. I haven't forgotten.. just been too busy.

Ugh

My brother Fox has Lupus.. Lupus Nefritis... And I am oddly rejoicing... because they thought he had instage renal disease cause he's having kidney problems. I kno Lupus is still horrible.. but many people on my da's side of the family are stilling living with Lupus... and have been for many years... I'm sad that at 27 my brother has to deal with this... but I'm glad it's not something worse...

Regardless, nothing major is going on in my life.. I'm going to be writing hopefully a good adoption post soon about agencies... Other than that.. it's been a week focused on Fox and making sure he's okay.

Date numero 2!

So, date one went great, and now I have date two!

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Bowling.

First date

Okay, so it's sad to admit, at 22 I just went on my first date. Yes, you heard me correctly... or shall I say read me correctly.

I went out with a bio guy.. and he was pretty damn cool.

We went to the movies, classic first, and saw the Simpsons movie. And as someone who doesn't really watch the show... it was pretty darn cool. It was hilarious at parts.. and I must say... Spider Pig was awesome!

Then over to O'Charley's for supper. Steak for him and turkey for me... and he actually didn't seem odd that I didn't get a steak... My brothers freak acuse I don't eat what they do...

Funny thing at the restaruant. Our waiter, Anthony, kept checking him out! It was hilarious. We'd be sitting there and he REALLY paid attentiont o him.. and E didn't see it at first. It wasn't until he took our order and put his arm on E's booth that he realized I wasn't crazy. It was great... he always spoke to him (cept maybe once he looked at me... and I honestly think that's when the bill came out), he refilled his water glass once and asked him if he wanted a second (mind you our glasses weren't dispropotionate in how much we each had left) and when he went to the wait station behind out booth he started at E like he was getting some! Oh it was great!

Regardless, for a first date.. my awesomeness! He wasn't forward with anything.. he seemed as nervous as me and generally didn't care to talk about childhood. He told some good stories, I got some in too... all in all I'd say by the end, I was comfortable. No one who reads this will understand that statement... but for me, that's pretty big.

All in all, I'd say it was a succesfull and hopefully repeatable.

That's all!

A date?

Oh my I think I gave my mum a heartattack! I haven't dated since I had my heart broken.. mind you that's quite a bit ago.. and I have a date tonight!

Yes, you heard me correctly.. me.. who swore I'd never date again.. is going to see the Simpson's movie with a boy... a real true boy! A boy who sought ME out.. who contacted ME first... and I'm quite astonished I agreed. He's driving an hour and a half to come see a movie with ME!

Lol... can you tell I'm nervously excited... I just have to get use of the car... Which I doubt I will have a problem with.. if mum ever gets off the phone!

Alright.. time to get ready.. what the heck.. get ready! woo!

SBP

Okay SBP, I officially love you!

I got your package and I just can't wait to find out who you are so I can send you thousands of thanks yous and a few cards and such! Dear goodness!

(and you reminded me tha tI need to make a trip to the post office and mail out my SBP stuff!)

Again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!